I feel like I don’t even know myself anymore I hate myself I hate my job I hate waking up most of the time I wish I wouldn’t I hate that I’ve wronged people in the past and that sometimes I have a shitty attitude towards others and family i literally have no motivation for anything I’m sick and tired of being fucking sick and tired
Your situation is one I have had over the years. As for wronging and attitude issues, welcome to being a human. I was VERY angry at my younger brother for something I don’t even remember, and my anger was interrupted by my brother’s death at the hands of a drunk driver. I prayed while my brother was dying in a hospital (his brain was turned to mush by the accident) to no avail and I hated myself for not loving my brother more despite his faults. Please don’t hate yourself for what is a flaw ALL humans have, certainly I do. I can’t bring my brother back, but I can reminisce on the good times…Once we were driving somewhere (i was 18, my brother 17) and a lady cop pulled us over (I was driving). My brother got out of the car and sweet-talked the lady cop (at age 16!!) out of writing me a ticket!! I could NEVER have accomplished this. I remember this we sweet, funny notes (sounds like I am judging wine!) God bless.
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I feel you @nnnn. I live a very institutionalized life. I think I hate a lot but I’m just upset that things haven’t played out so well yet. It’s a weird place to be in, wanting different things but not having the inner strength or will to do them. I know you’re pain. I wonder if hate is what you really experience or if it’s something else.