Slowly losing everything and suicidal ideations

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I need help and I don’t even know where to start. A quick summary is that I gave up the “perfect life” and put my trust and faith in a complete stranger. That stranger quickly became my best friend and my fiance. As of now, I lost all my money. I’m losing my home. I’m losing my fiance. I lost my child, and the only option that seems reasonable for me is suicide.

After we got engaged I discovered that someone had been using my credit card and racked up thousands of dollars in debt. I tried disputing the charges but lost and they charged me for them. I canceled my card and then the same charges started being taken out of my debit card/banking account. By the time I caught it, they had already taken over $2000. I disputed the charges with the bank right away. The banker that I had talked to told me that the $2000 would be put back into my account right away, but if I lost the disputes it would be taken back out. The money was never put back into my account. As a result, I was unable to pay rent. I informed my property management of the situation and they agreed to let me pay rent after I got my paycheck. However, they added a late fee and with that late fee added on, I was short on rent and couldn’t pay it when we had arranged. I explained this to them, and they don’t care. I’m now going to be evicted in the next 24-48 hours if I don’t pay the rent, which I still don’t have.

I expressed these concerns to my fiance, who hasn’t been able to work a normal job because he was recently diagnosed with kidney and liver failure. The doctors gave him an expected life span of 6 months - 1 year. With their predictions, he won’t even make it to our wedding day we’ve already sunk thousands of dollars in to, and nobody is willing to give the deposit money back despite the circumstances. He works odd jobs here and there to help close gaps when needed. He told me that he needed some money to start a job and that he would get paid that money back and then more than enough to help pay for rent after the job was completed. I told him that I didn’t have any money to give him because if I did then there was no way that I would be able to pay rent. He assured me that it would be all good, so I gave him the money that he asked for. However, he started asking for more and giving me excuses as to why he needed more. He made me feel so guilty and treated me so poorly because I refused to give him more than an x-amount. His guilt-tripping worked and I gave him the extra money he had asked for in a last desperate attempt to make rent. I really put my faith in him.

I didn’t get the money, and I’m not going to be able to pay rent. It hadn’t crossed my mind before, but now it’s all that I can think. It was my fiance that took all of that money from me. (Do I know this for sure? No. He says that he didn’t do it and made a big deal out of me thinking that it was him, but he won’t let me go to the police to file a report) After I brought this up, he also started accusing me of cheating on him while we were together and saying that he had “proof”. I have not cheated on him, so there is no proof. The constant stress from everything happening also assisted with a miscarriage this week. I’ve never been one to have suicide ideation, but now it’s all that I can think about. What’s the point of going on? I was stupid and my own choices caused me to lose everything. I went against my immediate family’s wishes to be with this guy, and now I have to face the embarrassment of them being right and having another failed engagement. I see no future for me anymore. I’m not worth anything to anybody in the long run. I can’t carry a child to full term and I can’t afford to keep on living. I’m drained and all I want to do is die. I’m getting so close to that point, the closest I’ve ever been, It’s not ideation anymore. It’s a plan. I want to get help, but I can’t afford it. No matter how hard I try, I can’t pull myself out of the constant shit show that has become my life. So what’s the point? There isn’t one anymore. I know that if I lose my house in the next 24-48 hours, that’ll be the end for me. It’s not worth trying anymore. These things keep happening to me, so I obviously deserve it. But I can’t take it anymore.

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Hey there! I’m sorry to hear about your current situation but suicide is not the answer! You still have a lot ahead of you this is just one of those bad days that will soon pass you by. You still have the job which I you’ll soon get paid and you’ll slowly decrease your debt I recommend reaching out to friends and family they’ll surely be able to help out in one way or another! Stay safe and keep pushing!

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Very rough times…but within your post it sounds like you’ve got grit! Hang in there!

What you wrote about your fiance sounds like classic gaslighting to me. I hope that’s not the case. (If I were you, I get the hell away from him. I’m saying that because of what you wrote, you may not see the necessity for it…) Get a credit check run and see what’s going on with your fiance’s. The bank could probably help if you don’t know how to do it alone. Shut off your credit cards if you have to. I’m surprised someone who loves you so much (Mr. Fiance) wouldn’t want to help and protect you by having a police report made and getting to the bottom of the problem.

Taking care of yourself should be your first priority right now-the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual parts sound like they all need care. You’ve known your family all your life, even though it might be difficult, with them might be the safest place to stay for awhile. Its OK to be embarrassed and have bruised pride. They are not complete strangers. And your life is at stake! Call the suicide hotline 988! You are worth it!

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And I’m so sorry about your miscarriage…I didn’t say so specifically above…I imagine you are grieving the loss…It makes my heart ache for you~

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I am sorry your life is going so badly now. My family went through several evictions, and I have an ex who bankrupted me twice. I’m very sorry about the miscarriage. I can’t even imagine how bad that must feel. One thing about losing everything, is that starting over can be an adventure. It happened to me often enough, so that’s how I got around to looking at it.

You need to know the truth about what happened to your money, and used your credit card. That he does not want you to file a police report, is an indication that he has something to lose if you do. Have you seen documentation, or spoken to one of his doctors about his physical condition?

You are devastated, and in crisis. Call a suicide hotline, or go to the emergency room.

Open a new bank account that only you can access.

Is there someone you can stay with? You need to be completely disconnected from your ex fiancé. Don’t let him know where you are.

Rather than end your life, be aware that this terrible episode is ending. Things were okay before you got involved with this guy, and they can be okay again.

I find myself fascinated with tiny houses. Maybe you can look into something like that.

Though it may not feel like it, you really can “rise from the ashes.”

Placing trust in the wrong person happens to a lot of people. When it comes to facing family, just let them have their say without argument. Without your pushback, sooner or later, they’ll run out of steam and quit talking about it.

You also deserve good things to happen for you. They have before, and will again.

You have gained the kind of wisdom that can protect you. Still, you need to talk to someone. You don’t need to be alone while you work towards recovery from this painful episode.

Please come back and tell us how you’re doing. Wings

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Hey, I’m so sorry about everything you’re going through right now. That’s an awful situation to be put in, especially by someone you trusted. I will say that if you’re feeling manipulated or lied to, you unfortunately probably are. You can trust your judgement if you think you’re being treated poorly. The refusal to let you make a police report is a red flag. So is then accusing you of cheating when you haven’t.

I’d suggest reaching out wherever you can. Your family is a good place to start, because (if they’re halfway decent people) they love you no matter what and will just be happy that you’re safe. I’m sure you feel a lot of shame in having to admit they were right, but a lot of times it is easier for people outside of a situation to get a larger picture of what’s going on because they’re not emotionally invested at all (or are automatically skeptical). A family that loves you will forgive you for making a mistake like that, and if you ask them to not make a deal out of it, they should respect that request.

But also, please reach out wherever you can. There are community resources that exist to help people like you. I know it can be hard and feel embarrassing to ask for help, but they will not judge you for the situation you’re in. They just want to help. It may take some searching, but look for rental assistance programs, one-time emergency assistance to help you get your feet on the ground again, counseling centers, free credit assistance, etc. Emergency shelters likely seem like a last resort since you’re still in your home, but it’s okay to call or show up just to inquire about resources they know about. The people who work there have connections and could point you in the right direction. Maybe see if there’s a domestic violence/crisis center in your area who have worked with many people who have been taken advantage of. I’m sure they’ve worked with people who have damaged credit or lost housing before. Also, most churches will also be willing to give you a little money to make rent or at least point you to an organization that will, if you’re comfortable going there.

Again, I’m sorry you’re having to go through this and I’m sorry for your loss. Hang in there. There is hope.

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It’s been days since you wrote us. Please know you deserve help and compassion. If you can check back in.

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