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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Slipknot “Wait And Bleed”
So, i can actually relate to this, even tho i know from experience that waiting for someone to notice that im in pain doesnt work, i still do it because i just want a prove that somebody actually cares, but all i get, is that im just seeking for attention while im just seeking for help. Even my friend once said that im just an attention seeker, so now i just let it live inside me so i wouldnt annoy anyone with my problems. But, its going to be okay soon, because theres this one girl that just listens to me and doesnt say that im just seeking for attention and these things. I know it must be hard for her sometimes to listen to me just yapping about my problems, but im just so glad shes there for me and that shes really patient with me. I would do literally anything for her, because she just means so much. Im literally texting her big ahh paraghraphs in the middle of the night trying to explain to her why something happened whenever i feel like i screwed something up, because im scared im annoying her with my problems sometimes. But thats not the only reason i love her ofcourse. Shes literally the only person i know that has LITERALLY the same energy as i do, she just has the best most perfect cutest funniest hottest calming personality, you couldnt imagine. So yeah, its going to be okay (sorry i just started yapping abt my girlfriend out of nowhere but shes just crazily insane, like in the best way, before i started dating her i thought ill never experience love in my life because i just didnt know how, and she teached and still is teaching me what love is, like i just cant get over her, im just so obsessed with her thats insane. However i have attachement issues, so im just so scared that ill do something wrong that could make her leave me). Well so basically my mind is just annoying i guess?
Hi Friend, Thank you so much for you comment. I am so very happy that you have found your “person” that you have someone that has taught you what love is and that no matter what they are there for you. I am sorry you have had to deal with negative people in the past that have labled you as an attention seeker, the hardest part is, you become an attention seeker because people think you are one and never pay you any attention when you honestly need it. That is messed up.
Your gf sounds like a lovely person and I couldnt be happier for you and I truly hope that this is a long term, long lasting, happy relationship for you both, however I would like to just add that I would like you to perhaps slow down a little with the constant messages and contact for fear of her leaving you. Sometimes you can cause something to happen simply by trying to stop it, self fullfilling prophecy.
Its a wonderful thing to be excited about a person but sometimes its ok to be excited internally, smile be thankfull and look for ward to seeing her next time. I fear the constant contact may well push her away and that would be tragic. I say all this out of love and respect and I hope you take it that way. I have pushed people away myself. I wish you so much luck. Lisa. x
Dear friend. Thank you so much for reaching out here about this. I can hear how stressful it is to fear that you may annoy your girlfriend somehow or make her reach some limits. It is particularly challenging to explore boundaries - our own and others boundaries - when we struggle with attachment issues. There are so many things that can easily make us spiral, doubt ourselves and others intentions all at once!
One thing that is absolutely amazing in your comment is that… man, you’re aware of the pattern at play. You are conscious about the kind of thought you have, you are aware that you may lean towards an obsessive attachment with your girlfriend, you are aware that this kind of dynamic can be damagic for a relationship. Not everyone has such perspective over their struggles, especially when it involves such a high amount of vulnerability. Because ultimately, that’s what attachements issues are about: navigating our own vulnerability, and oftentimes wounds of the past that left us either way too attached or avoidant with others.
Rest assured that your mind is not annoying, and that these struggles don’t define you as a person. What it says is that at some point in your life you have been wounded, and since then you’ve been carrying this wound, trying to find your way through the relationships you’ve developed. It is challenging, but thankfully it is not something you are doomed to only experience from the passenger side. Personally, I tend to be avoidant because of past traumas - it’s the other side of the balance that you’ve been experiencing with attachment. It’s been hard to trust others again with myself - but even more to trust my ability to develop healthy connections. It takes time, it’s not easy every day, but with the right amount of support it is absolutely possible to re-learn how to create and nurture bonds that are healthy with others. In the future, it may be interesting for you to reflect on these struggles and which steps you would like to start taking to work on it. Typically, it could be worth considering seeing a counselor to talk about it, or to at least have a third party in the picture so that your girlfriend would not become your therapist either. I’ve been in a 13-years relationship now, and I had to learn that this very subtle difference was sooo important to let the relationship breathe and exist as it should be - a romantic, loving relationship. Which involves times of supporting each other, but does not revolve around that.
Through all of this, I wish all the best for your girlfriend and you. You can change the narrative and take action against those fears. You can have a long, fulfilling relationship with the person you love, and it’s okay to ask for some external support in order to serve that relationship better. Somehow, it’s also a beautiful act of love but to take the time and resources to work on the parts of ourselves that are the most vulnerable and need the highest care. You got this.
When I read your post there is one thing that really stuck with me, and that is you saying that you want a proof that somebody actually cares. And I think that out of insecurity/attachment issues you might be trying to get this proof in a way that probably sets you up for failure. Which in turn will ‘proof’ your belief that nobody actually cares. Because if you keep sending big paragraphs in the middle of the night your girlfriend might be waking up very often and lose sleep and eventually it will lead to tensions. I think you have it in you to find proof that people actually care in other ways that are healthier and better for your relationships. Even the fact that 3 people that don’t know you have reacted to your post shows that we care. So I hope that you can find ways to work on your attachment issues, possibly with a good licensed therapist. Maybe it will help to write down daily some proof of why people care for you. This can be small things, like somebody replied to my post, the person at the supermarket smiled at me, I got a compliment about something I did.
I hope this helps a little bit in keeping a healthy relationship with your girlfriend and looking well after yourself. You deserve that bc you are valuable and you matter
