Hey, everybody. It’s been a while. It’s Conner again.
So my ex fiancé right? Been apart 8 months, been trying my damndest to find peace with myself, accept who I am and accept that I’m not perfect, etc. it’s been absolutely grueling.
Well, she decided to text me the other morning asking for 200 dollars. Which as you can imagine, had me all sorts of livid. Well, she explained it was to help with her car insurance having gone up because I wrecked it (mildly) while we were together.
So after much deliberation I gave it to her and sent her on her way. Great. Absolves me of any guilt for the car.
A couple days later, she tries to send it back. Apologizing saying she’s so sorry, she was in an erratic and frantic state of mind when she asked, and all that sort of stuff…well okay fine. I’ll take it back but that’s not even the biggest deal.
I had to level with her. I told her I needed space from her. I needed time to heal and to move on. That I needed her to understand that it’s much harder for me to talk to her than vice versa.
She took it alright. Seemed kind of taken aback, maybe. I don’t know how she feels about it. But I told her finally, hey, regardless of what happens, I wish you nothing but the best, and you can be damn sure I’ll never forget you.
I’m really proud how I handled myself in the moment. Really mature, put together, polite, ya know…all the good stuff…
But god, it hurts even worse now than it did before…it hurt so much to have to tell her that I can’t talk to her anymore…it hurt so much to have to cut her out of my life, and not even because she’s a bad person…but because I still love her and i don’t know if I’ll ever be able to just be friends with her…
I have no idea where to go from here…because I really do still love her, but I know it isn’t reciprocated…and I’ve gotta move on and let her go…
I let her go physically, now I just gotta figure out how to let her go in my heart I guess…
It hurts so fucking much…like I don’t know how much more of this suffering I can handle before something’s gonna fucking break…