So I cut ties for the last time

Hey, everybody. It’s been a while. It’s Conner again.

So my ex fiancé right? Been apart 8 months, been trying my damndest to find peace with myself, accept who I am and accept that I’m not perfect, etc. it’s been absolutely grueling.

Well, she decided to text me the other morning asking for 200 dollars. Which as you can imagine, had me all sorts of livid. Well, she explained it was to help with her car insurance having gone up because I wrecked it (mildly) while we were together.

So after much deliberation I gave it to her and sent her on her way. Great. Absolves me of any guilt for the car.

A couple days later, she tries to send it back. Apologizing saying she’s so sorry, she was in an erratic and frantic state of mind when she asked, and all that sort of stuff…well okay fine. I’ll take it back but that’s not even the biggest deal.

I had to level with her. I told her I needed space from her. I needed time to heal and to move on. That I needed her to understand that it’s much harder for me to talk to her than vice versa.

She took it alright. Seemed kind of taken aback, maybe. I don’t know how she feels about it. But I told her finally, hey, regardless of what happens, I wish you nothing but the best, and you can be damn sure I’ll never forget you.

I’m really proud how I handled myself in the moment. Really mature, put together, polite, ya know…all the good stuff…

But god, it hurts even worse now than it did before…it hurt so much to have to tell her that I can’t talk to her anymore…it hurt so much to have to cut her out of my life, and not even because she’s a bad person…but because I still love her and i don’t know if I’ll ever be able to just be friends with her…

I have no idea where to go from here…because I really do still love her, but I know it isn’t reciprocated…and I’ve gotta move on and let her go…

I let her go physically, now I just gotta figure out how to let her go in my heart I guess…

It hurts so fucking much…like I don’t know how much more of this suffering I can handle before something’s gonna fucking break…

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but you didn’t break Conner!!
As much as it hurt you, as much as the back and forth with the money went on, you held strong!! You stood up for yourself, you clearly told her what you needed, you were firm AND polite and overall it sounds like you handled this perfectly!!

I know it may not feel this way now, but you just did a HUGE thing for yourself.
You fought through the pain and communicated your needs
I’m so proud of you. I hope you rest and relax as much as you can to help you tide over all the emotions you’re feeling right now!

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I really appreciate that. Looking at it like I did myself a favor helps.

Obviously it hurts to have to go through with it, and I’m still reeling. But yeah, I think I’m gonna be happy I did it in the long run. I’m especially proud of myself for handling it in a cool and collected way despite the inner turmoil.

I’m kind of at a loss right now. It’s like the breakup became just that much more real and permanent. Which is so damn weird given that it’s been 8 months of effectively no contact. I’d kind of hoped I’d be further along than I am with the grief of it all, but seeing that I’m not there yet, I had to pull the plug so to speak.

Sorry, rambling…this situation has been so incredibly taxing and it’s just nice somebody else understands just how hard it’s been on me to handle it how I have. So, thank you.

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you’re doing well, friend!

and look how far you’ve come! a few months ago, you would not have been able to think, much less, act so coolly (on the outside at least)!! You would have thought it impossible to put on a brave face!
Now you know that you can, there is no limits to what you can do!
who knows, maybe in a few more months, you will be cool and calm on the inside too! So proud of you :slight_smile:

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From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ

Hi Friend, it’s been awhile.

I’m proud of you for telling her what you needed from her and that you are protecting your heart. You handled yourself very well. Communicating with her probably brought up some unwanted memories and wounds, so take care of yourself and remember that you’ve already gotten thru this and what you are feeling is temporary.

After my divorce it took me two years to start dating again. I think that once you have been in actual real love, that love never really leaves your heart. I will always love my xhusband, just not in the same way. So, it’s ok to still love her and still move on with your life. ~Mystrose

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From: Dark Weeb 666 (Matt)

Hi connerm1219 First of all i am so proud of you for doing what you did even though it must have hurt like hell. You did a very mature thing and you respected her and yourself. I know it tears you from the inside and it will take time to heal and it will never heal completely. However you can grow from this and you already are growing from this. Some things (even though they might have been beautiful) are simply not ment to last. It is unfortunate but thats how it is, however nobody can take those happy memories from you. Even though it ended like it did it wasnt all for nothing. You are scared but you are stronger. She needs to deal with this her own way and so do you. You both know that the best thing for you both is to give the other person space and that is such a mature form of love and respect for a person, that even though things ended in tears we still wish the other person many bright tomorrows :heart:

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From: Micro

Hey Conner. I’m so sorry that you have been hurting so deeply. These wounds are raw and still on a process of healing. Having these direct interactions with her again was surely a huge reminder of it. It’s crazy how just one interaction can put us down to the rabbit hole that we have spent so much time and energy to try to get out of. Grieving a relationship, no matter the reasons behind, is such a painful process. I’ve had to let go of close people in my life and I’m still not over it. Definitely more asserted with my boundaries and needs, but the pain remains somehow. There are still regrets and broken hopes. My heart goes out to you.

Something extremey powerful in your interactions there is how you have responded to it. You have not reacted. You have RESPONDED. You have made sound decisions and choices according to your needs, even if it was going against your heart and feelings at the moment. Even if it was met with pain. What you KNOW as being safe, needed and fair is what you’ve applied. And that is such a very strong mark of progress and healing. The presence of pain doesn’t indicate your growth. Sure, with time it becomes more and more manageable. It will keep doing so. But in the meantime, you are learning to respond to situations and make your own decisions. Which is so fundamental. Gosh dangit you better be proud of yourself, indeed! Look at how far you’ve come. This is an ongoing journey, but today you can also look back and see all the steps taken. I hope you can see them as we do here. Hope you can embrace that reality as part of your story and your present right now.

Make sure to be kind to yourself and patient with your heart in times to come. This has surely reactivated some deep wounds; It’s okay to take it easy and lower our commitments when we are hurting. Your heart needs it.

Thank you for these updates, friend. I hope you will feel some peace and relief very soon, even just a little bit. Hold Fast. :hrtlegolve:

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From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Friend, long time no see, welcome back. I first want to say to you that after reading this post I think you have come so far and I am so proud of how you dealt with this whole situation considering the feelings you still have for your ex. It is so bloody hard to understand that you can be so much in love with a person yet know that you cannot be with them because for one reason or another you just are not meant to be together. A lot of people try to stick it out and end up in long miserable relationships so I admire people that make the choice to move on, there is no bravery in sitting in misery with someone when you both could be happy with someone else. This situation with the car has clearly opened up a wound that needs again to heal but this time it will heal faster than last time and each time it will heal faster still until hopefully you wont feel that pain anymore even if the love is still there. I would love to see you start making some new memories now too ( I don’t mean jump into a new relationship) I mean just go out and enjoy yourself, enjoy being you for a while. Im glad you are back, we are always here for you. Much Love Lisa. x

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From: sea__kay

Hey connerm1219, I’m so sorry you’ve been going through so much emotional pain and are still hurting so much. It was incredibly strong how you dealt with the car insurance situation and how you set clear boundaries with her to protect your heart and to create the space for you that will allow you to heal. It’s also a very important step to fully accept the end of the relationship. Don’t be hard on yourself but be self-compassionate, and give yourself the permission to grieve the relationship as much as your heart needs to. I hope you have friends by your side who support you and who are there for you when you need to talk or also some distraction. Thank you for sharing your story with us. You’re loved and valued.

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From: SuchBlue

Hi connerm1219,

You knew how to handle yourself and I’m very happy for you that you did :slightly_smiling_face:
You knew how to stay strong, deal with what you were asked for and was assertive. You didn’t be aggressive, nor did you act like your whole life depended on her. A part of your heart might actually still feel like it depends on her, but that wound will slowly heal, there might still be a scar but at least it won’t hurt as much. Take your time, nobody is running after you and there is no need to rush :hrtlegolove:

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