So Im just struggling right now

[Anonymous2020]

So Im really just struggling right now… I struggle to hang in there… and I am doing all I can to not be in relapse mode. I am always using with the opioids and those are the most deadly of them all… And my mom and sis they both dont understand what im going through.

I am constantly using nonstop and I am struggling to who I can reach out to from my contacts… everyone from my NA homegroup really cares about me and does not want me to die of an overdose but Im always… yeah… its hard to describe it…

earlier today I was so out of it I OD’d on so many of the opioids that when I went to go open everything up for my mom and sis they noticed something was wrong w me… that was great that they noticed something but that was all that they noticed… but other than that I struggle so much with this addiction to the Opioids… so its just so hard.

Im constantly struggling… I told other people that I know and they were like take it one day at a time and I do my best but I know that if I keep this up I can die… I have so many sponsors now… but I just dont know what to tell them they care about me too… they dont want me to die… and so Im trapped in me using .

I also just dont know how to break it to my mom in telling her Im addicted to the opioids cause if I end up you know overdosing and something goes wrong and I die… she will be devastated and wont understand what happened… so Im just struggling here… I use and mis-use so many opioids in a mixture and I know thats not a good thing… but I constantly struggle with it.

I first started with this struggle around January with the Alcohol then antidepressants then back to the alcohol and now its back to the drugs so I just am in constant relapse mode… so its hard for me… its a struggle… its not easy… I dont want to go to rehab because its just not an option for me because I have to finish up school and sober living isnt an option either because Im stuck here at home with my mom on social security… so yeah its a constant struggle for me…

[twixremix]

hey there,

first off, i want you to recognize how big of a step you’ve already taken in recognizing your situation, being vulnerable here on this forum so others can support you, and to still have a glimmer of hope to escape this loop of substance abuse.

i know i’m just a stranger that’s popping into your replies but i want you to know that you now have another cheerleader on your side. i believe in you to find your solution in the way that’s most comfortable for you.

rehab/treatment is probably the strongest suggestion i can make in this instance. beating an addiction is incredibly hard, i know this from secondhand experience with a family member and i can feel how hard you’re fighting to stay around for the people around you by reading your post alone. you mentioned that rehab is out of the question due to school but is there a chance you can go during a school break? there are some rehab programs that come at no cost so if it’s a timing thing and you’re ready to break the cycle, maybe you could look into it for summer break?

i ask that you channel the feelings of your loved ones if you were to continue using and use that energy to evaluate realistic goals in your recovery. like your mom and so many others in your life, i also do not want you to lose this battle to an addiction. i believe in you and if there’s anything i can do to support you more, please let me know.

your friend,
twix