It’s been a while huh? I’m doing better, way too busy to think too much about that horrible break up. Still not over it but, well, it’s a process.
Today a classmate I don’t know that we’ll called and asked how I live my sexuality. I explained I’m demi sexual and how it took me a while to accept my bisexuality.
After a while he asks if I’ve ever had sexual relationships (no), and tells me he hasn’t because of trauma.
He asks if I’d be willing to try.
He explains he thinks since we don’t have any experience it’d be a little more comfortable for him.
I deny the offer politely and he says it’s ok. At no point was he disrespectful and he was very nervous, I believe, however… I feel nauseated.
I’m going through a rough process right now, and in general feel sex repulsed most of the time, so I’m obviously not willing to try any of that (and possibly risk getting pregnant where I don’t want to even think about it). I don’t know how to feel about this, I don’t know if it’s normal, and I know it’s probably not that deep but I felt… Gross. Like I’m being seen as a lab rat in need of some “help”. It makes me wanna cry and vomit.
This is confusing and overwhelming and makes me wish My ex hadn’t left. This is the kind of conversation I would’ve liked to have with someone I actually loved, not with some guy I barely know.
It also makes me question why I can’t have good friendships with men. Like at this point I only have one male friend (the guy who told me not to try streaming broke contact with me for some reason).
I don’t want to live like this, I’d never felt so much like an object as I have in the last year.
