Some people they are far worse being alive than de

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Some people. They are far worse being alive than dead. It’s a fact so few understand. I have been MISERABLE for so long, I know I would be better off dead thirty years ago. Every day is pain. No one understands. No one can help. Some things can not be expressed to another. :herb::cherry_blossom:

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Hi Friend,

Thank you for sharing. I can resonate with what you are saying. There are times where I myself have had similar thoughts. I can get very unhappy and dissatisfied with my life and when I get into my dark holes, I start to wonder what I’m alive for and why, if I’m only going to be miserable then what is the point. So I understand what you have written, and can tell you that you are not alone in how you feel. There are good and bad portions of everyone’s life but for some people it seems as though the bad portions last a lot longer or are even just never ending.

I will say, that even though you may not feel this way, you are such a strong person for fighting and holding on through the pain of each day. You are still here, and that matters because you matter, your story matters. I’m sorry that you have been feeling this way for so long. I can imagine how that could have eaten away at your hope over the years. But I hope that one day things will get better and that you’ll get to experience more of the good in life, that can bring joy instead of pain and misery. :white_heart:

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Hello.
I’m sorry that you are experiencing the deep pain and sorrow that you are, and want you to know how strong you are for surviving what you have, and for holding on for as long as you have. I can relate strongly to what you are feeling, and can understand not expecting another person to understand the negative emotions you are experiencing. I was hoping I could share some of my story with you, and I’m not sure if it will help any, but I just want you to know you are not alone. That I care about seeing you succeed in feeling better.

I am a suicide survivor who has been in active mental health recovery for 10 years, but spent 27 years stuck in it, feeling very similar to what you are expressing here. I have also often felt this way towards my internal pain, and it prevented me from connecting/trying to express to anyone what it was I was going through. Thinking it was impossible that anyone could grasp the level of my internal pain I was feeling. It was not until I first was in an in-patient setting that I was forced to share my story, with other grown men sharing their stories. That I began to go down the path of peer support, and looking for/finding others who have been through similar things to share with, and to get feedback from. I was not going to be allowed to leave that place if I didn’t either lie about my story, or be honest about it. The people around me were being honest in theirs. So I was honest in mine. I think that just sharing, as you have already done by making this comment, IS an expression of the pain. Just the expression that it is not able to be expressed, lets me know that your pain is similar to mine, because I still find it hard to express some of my emotions when they flare up even after doing it for years now. You should be proud for even being able to attempt to share what you are going through, and I think if you continue to try your best to share it, you might even find more ways of being able to express it. Even if just through analogies. That in-patient setting went from being the first time I shared, to eventually being something I was willing to share in any setting where it was brought up. Whenever the opportunity presented itself. Where as before I was not willing to share with anyone. I think you are right in the sense that no one person can ever fully understand the perspective/emotions of another person, but I do believe that there are people who can relate to, and come close to understanding others. Through there own experiences with their own similar emotions/thoughts.

One of the things that this journey has led me to realize is that you are 100% correct in feeling no one can help. Because it is YOU who has to help yourself. For me it came in the form of a variety of support: Jarring life events, books, mental health professionals, and peer support are some of the things that I used as tools in trying to find myself, but in the end I realized it was only in learning to accept myself, and work to grow my love for myself that I could begin to find the other side of the pain I had experienced. That’s not to say there is a cure, or that it will be fixed and all go away, but through understanding and self-growth/self-love/self-care(which I feel were nearly impossible for me to begin to find) the times in-between feeling bad are longer, and I know myself better in a way that helps me come out of the crisis faster. I believe all of us struggling in these ways are capable of finding these things. It is just the route for us all is different. I believe that those of us who have been through the hardest fights/have felt the deepest pains have the greatest ceiling for finding and achieving the opposite side of these pains, if we are ever able to find it. Some of us never do, and it is not the easiest road. Some of us lose the battle, but I and others at Heart Support, have the goal of trying to support you as best as possible in the journey to trying to support yourself. We want you to understand you are valid, your feelings are valid, and that you are not alone. Please feel free to share more with us if you ever want/need, and if you don’t feel comfortable doing it in comments sections there is also forum.heartsupport.com. Hope you can feel a bit better then days previous and find some relief to what you are feeling with time.<3

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