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Sorting out thoughts, finding courage to post

it’s been hard for me start a post here for myself.

I’ll begin one, then rationalize that I can simply have a back and forth conversation inside my head and work it all out, logic the heck out of it, pray my way out of it. I have been telling myself that I can deal with whatever it is by myself, no need to bother others here with my stuff. But I also know better. That it’s not a matter of my having a burden that I can’t handle on my own, but being here has taught me that I don’t have to carry it alone.

And there’s not even any pressure to detail what’s bothering me, I am allowed to say that I’m worried and scared, and it’s okay to not be an immovable pillar or wall all the time.

And I don’t even need a reason or a crisis to be here to be valid, I can say that it’s simply been a bad day, or harder emotionally than usual. I can also have a post with this many “I’s” in it and not be alarmed that I seem selfish, because I know it’s not for attention, but to open up, and even if it were for attention, then that’s fine also if that’s the support I need. It’s freeing but also hard to say that I’m doing okay generally, but not so much right at this moment.

This year is gonna be a hard one for me, and I will use this resource here (in the form of you fine folks) to give myself the best chance of surviving and thriving through it. now let’s see when i finally hit send on this!

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Hi Sita,

I totally get this. It is generally hard for me to post here as well, although being pregnant is kind of an exception since I don’t know anyone going through it and I don’t exactly get along with anyone in my family so it really helps to have people here to tell me I’m not crazy. Haha.

But otherwise I tend to wonder why I don’t just deal with things myself because that’s how I’ve had to go through most of my life anyway. At the same time, I’ve found that sometimes it really does help more than I thought it would to just get some feedback from a different perspective that can be hard to see from the inside looking out. I am oftentimes genuinely relieved when I come here to vent, not looking for anything really and then having a heartwarming and unexpected response that makes me feel a lot better.

I’m glad you decided to publish this post. There have been a couple of times where I wrote out long rants and didn’t post them… but for the most part that isn’t the case. As time goes by it will probably become easier and more comfortable for you to post. It has been for me. I find that it also helps that I pay it forward by trying to help and support others, not that it’s required or anything, it just makes sense to me overall.

I look forward to seeing more of your posts in the future :). You have supported me in my hardships in the past and I hope I can do the same for you in the future.

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I’m so happy that you’ve come to realize this. You’ve been such a blessing here with the wisdom and support you give everyone. I’ve always sensed that in your own unique way, you needed to be here too.

It’s ok to ask for help no matter what your worry is. It’s just as valid as anyone else’s here and I, for one, will be right here to help support you and lift you right back up.

I’m so proud of you for having the strength to post :hrtlegolove:

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thanks @Sapphire,
it survived about four versions to get to post lol! and i won’t delete it like i did before.

there’s actually three posts that got under my skin in terms of different perspectives that made me realize how much I can benefit from having some new eyes look at a post too. First step of the journey taken! I also hope things are okay with you. Thanks for your support, friend. :slight_smile:

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I always knew it intellectually, but now I’m gonna know it in practice :slight_smile:

You’ve been a great support, and I thank you for that!
I know you got my back, and that I can count on the fam here too.

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@Sita i made this for you tonight. I hope it gives you peace.

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@Sita
It is hard to respond to so many people here, to give them all advice and then indeed post ourselves but for most of us really that how we got here and let’s be clear we are all human and therefore we all need to ask for help and support so welcome to the support post part of Heart Support :heart: I hope we can indeed help you through whatever you are dealing with, I’m pretty sure if you allow us (which I sense you don’t find easy) we can support you in our unique and wonderful Heart Support way that you know so well.
Thank you for hitting send, trusting in us and yourself. You are no burden. Quite the opposite.
Much love
Lisa :heart:

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how well you know me!
This is beautiful and perfect
:smiley:
:hrtlegolove:

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this has been a lesson :slight_smile:

Thank you for being here always for me, and for us all!

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From: Micro

Well done @Sita for taking a leap today. The first step is the scariest. It might be a renewed scary experience as you will need to get used to it, but, by allowing yourself to be vulnerable, you will to actually see that it is okay to do so. Somehow, every single member of this online fam’ go through that process sooner or later. We understand. Which is why vulnerability, and the very act of sharing a part of our story here on the Wall, should never be taken for granted nor dismissed in any way. When someone trust others with themselves, they share gift that needs to be honored.

I feel like a couple of years ago, I would have written the exact same post. One in which you reach out without reaching out, in which you say things without saying things. Taking a lot of detours, worrying about adding to many “I”, wondering if you’d be able to keep it online… You’ve taken a brave step today, and that is worth celebrating.

If it can help us sometimes, I want to encourage you to keep in mind that being our vulnerable self, we show a healthy example to others - it is great to support others, but it is wise to know when we need to take a break, and when we need the help of others. It is an example against burning ourselves out, not setting healthy boundaries, and not respecting our limits. You are deserving of help, support, love, care, understanding, no matter what your situation is. You deserve it because you are a human being, and we can all agree with the fact that this life can be pretty wild sometimes.

Rest assured that what matters to you, will always matter to this community as well. You are not alone, and, coming from a crazy self-reliant person, I can assure you that this very step is going to open new doors towards growth for you.

I’m grateful for your trust. Ring the bell, and the HeartSupport fam’ will be there. That’s what we’re all about. :hrtlegolove:

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Hi Sita
You have made a very important step my friend. You have been very suppotive of others here and I am very proud of you for doing so. It is very important to be vulnerable and show that you are a person with their own struggless. I appretiate that you took the time and did this. You are very brave for doing so Sita. You have grown so much. :slightly_smiling_face: You are not selfish for being here and sharing your struggless you simply practising what you preach. It is ok to have bad days sometimes because sometimes you just cant change the weather by changing your point of view. Thank you Sita for being here with us. I appretiate you very much my friend. :slightly_smiling_face: See you under some toppic. :wink:

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hi Micro,

These are indeed wise words :slight_smile: And yes, you saw past the words to be the distractions hehe

Rest assured, I shall indeed post when I need some new perspective or a shoulder. I’m grateful that the bell is there always, whenever I need it!

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thanks you @Ashwell , yes, it’s a bit harder to take my own advice, but I do know that you are all here for me, too.

See you under a topic, friend! hhehe, that will never get old!

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You are someone who has never remotely come across as selfish. The way you help others and offer advice, wisdom and a caring, listening ear.
I’m really happy you’re feeling more comfortable to share this post.
It feels like a weird exchange going from helping others to seeking support from that same group of people, but I think that’s was real friendship and community is.
I was reading this article recently about how at some point just being a shoulder to lean on can make people exhausted and even bitter because people get so used to dumping on them that they forget to ask about them.
(Not that you’re bitter!)
You’re definitely allowed to need support and whether it’s this community or someone you trust, I hope you can share your thoughts and feelings.

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thank you friend, this was a lovely reply! I agree that it definitely will help deepen my ties here. I didn’t think I was this private before, so that has been a lesson I’ve learnt here. And yes, I do know that I can share my thoughts here, safely and without judgment :slight_smile: That’s a great reminder!

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Sita,

I hope that you give yourself some major props for all the replies and help that you’ve given to others. I seem to remember that Kitboga gave a shout-out to you on stream for your contributions here, and you should be so proud of the impact you’ve had. Just as you help out others, please do not hesitate to extend the same courtesy to yourself and post a topic whenever the need or desire arises because you matter as well. One of my favorite aspects of this wall is that there is no minimum threshold of struggle/ crisis/ suffering on some absolute scale that is a prerequisite for posting. We’re all here to give or receive feedback as best as we can, given our own unique perspectives and situations.

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I love this :smiley:

heheh, well, I do give myself minor props, because I won’t discredit my contribution, and yes the Kit shoutout was very cool too!
I too love that there is no minimum threshold and I do think I’m getting better at being vulnerable. Definitely, I will post without fear! holds up tiny sword

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