I grew up being bullied/harassed for not being Christian as a kid because I lived in a highly religious area, which made me close off wanting religious or spiritual. It’s been years since then and I want to go back into connecting to myself spiritually and I’m scared that I’ll be ignored and hated cause it’s probably not going to be Christianity. How can I shake the fear of connecting to that spiritual side? How can I regain that confidence in myself?
Hey, I’m sorry others have made you feel this way for not believing the way that they do. I myself have battled off and on with religion, was I a person of faith or not, etc. I’m 30 years old now and realize that I am the only one that is living my life, and what others say, think, or believe about me will not change what makes me me, no matter how close these people are to me in my life. I think in this case you should open yourself to whatever you feel is speaking to you now, whether that is Christianity or not, and recognize that if it’s NOT Christianity then that’s okay. You can do all the research you want, have the conversations, but at the end of the day you have to ask yourself what YOU believe in (that’s why it’s called “faith”), not what others believe, because you are the only one living your life.
Being a Christian myself, what those bullies did to you does not reflect the love of Jesus, and I am so sorry you experienced that. To me it seems that your spiritual/religious side is tugging at your heart, wanting to find meaning and encouragement, and that is a wonderful thing. The amazing thing about our ability to choose is that it is US that chooses for US. I know the thing I hear a lot with people that poke at Christianity specifically say that you lose your free will or freedom, which is far from the truth. Even as a believer in Christ, I choose DAILY to follow Christ, even when it seems so dang hard sometimes, no one forces me to do so.
My advice to you as you seek to reconnect with your spiritual side is to seek relationship and not so much religion. What power do you want to build a deep, meaningful, and loving relationship with? I try to describe Christianity like this, as in it is more about relationship than religion because the term “religion” has become so skewed. Having relationship, rather than religion, can open you up to so much more intimacy and connectedness.
I think it is wonderful you are seeking this out in your life. Don’t be afraid to ask the hard questions and seek after answers. Like adam_actual said, it is your choice and your free will to believe in something for you. Doesn’t matter if someone agrees with you or not, true love and friendship should never be disrespectful or hurtful to someone. I hope you find the answers to your questions, and I’ll send a prayer up for you that you connect with your spirit!