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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to BLACK by PearlJam
Stepped away from 18 year marriage for the better of both of us…. I know I made the right choice but my heart still hurts.
Thank you for having the courage to reach out. Straight away I can see the doubt in your words and this is the thing that actually tells me that you have made a really difficult decision that you believe is truly the right thing, not just for you but your partner as well. The fact that you made this decision with your partners needs in mind too tells me how you care about them. It is ok to care about them and understand that you can’t be with them.
I can identify with how you feel because I remember how I felt when I made the decision to end my first marriage some time ago now and the emotions that I went through, I felt I had failed her, I had failed my beliefs, I had let down my children but yet I couldn’t keep going without getting the support that I needed, I felt miserable and trapped and I can imagine that some of these feelings would be very similar to how you are feeling now and it is absolutely valid for you to feel those things.
It was a random stranger I met that taught me that I need to be true to myself to honour my family, and that going through life like I was on and the direction I was headed, wasn’t fair on them.
In hindsight I know that the decision was right, but I don’t know if it even matters if the decision was right or wrong but more importantly I believe I made the decision to leave for the right reasons and that’s all we can ever do. I believe that you have done the same.
I know how much your heart hurts now for the future with your partner that you once believed in and it’s important to recognise how important it is to take whatever time you need to acknowledge this and grieve this loss. Sometimes it feels like if we are the one to make the choice then we don’t have the right to feel the hurt, but the hurt you feel is real and valid. Take all the time you need.
You are not alone and your hurt matters.
Hey there,
First off I just want to say thank you for being open with us here, we appreciate it and don’t take it for granted.
I cannot even begging to understand the pain you must be feeling, what you are going through. I know it has got to be so hard.
It’s a really big step you have taken here, “For the better for both of us” that is big. I can totally understand why your heart hurts… it’s hard when you have been with someone so long, you know them so well, and you have to make the choice to break away. I cannot even begin to know how painful that must be.
I’m proud of you. It seems like you have been through a lot, and thought a lot about this, and you know that it will be better for you both… I am proud of you fo taking that step.
My parents have had struggles, and it hurts to see how it is. I can’t even imagine how hard it must be.
Your feelings are valid. You are strong, and you are brave. There are people who will listen and people who care, you are not alone in this.
I believe that hearing how we feel and what we have been through helps others feel less alone, so once again thank you for being so open with us here.
Please know the pain will lessen with time and work. I try to do the things I love, that give me purpose to keep me happy.
Sending love,
Lys