I stopped having weird episodes, but am still not okay. Apparently I not only most probably have a mood disorder but have also been striuggling with severe untreated ADHD. I don’t even know how to feel about that. It explains a lot of things, but I still feel like I can’t tell anyone, especially my family. I don’t like being diagnosed with something I grew up near-constantly hearing is “not real”. I don’t like mentioning it to doctors or anyone either, because I always feel like they’ll think I’m lying and trying to get drugs. I have another evaluation tomorrow, with someone different who is not affiliated with my university, since I’ll be graduating in three weeks. I am sick and tired of trying to explain what’s wrong with me to people. I’m sick and tired of being asked if I’m suicidal. The answer is still no. I’m tired of telling people I’m not okay, because it feels like I seem fine. I’m sick of being judged for behaviors that I could stop if I “just tried harder”. I don’t want to be told I’m overdramatic or a liar. I want to be okay and not need any of this. I hate how no one seems to see the daily struggle. I’m still not over being told by my last healthcare provider that I can’t have ADHD because I get good grades. No one sees that it takes twice as much work to get anything done. I didn’t ask for any of this, and I’m just doing my best to get through life.
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I’m very glad to read that you’re not suicidal. I wanted to let you know to just keep doing your best. To persevere. I’ll be praying for you.
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Thanks, I really do appreciate it.