Recently one of my friends that I’ve known sense 1st grade had been calling me a loser and saying I’m a horrible person every time I see him and he’ll even text me sometimes saying it, and it’s all because I didn’t want to do something that would get our team more points in a stupid game(I didn’t want to do it as I have a bad back and it would of really hurt me) . Infront of him and others I’ll play it off as if it doesn’t bother me but honestly its really starting to effect me.
On a different note I’m stressed because everyone who knows I’ve self harmed in the past thinks that on October 1st I’ll finally be 3 years clean, but if anything I would have only been clean for 6 mounts at most but now it won’t even be that because I hade another relapse earlier this week, not to mention that I’ve been more depressed recently and my eating disorders are starting to get bad again, and no one even really knows that I’m depressed or have eating disorders.
But the thing that scares me the most is I know for a fact that if I didn’t work tomorrow I would hut myself again tonight, but I just don’t want my jeans or shirt to rub against the cuts and if it weren’t for that thought I would hurt myself again. I just don’t know what to do or how to handle this.
Sorry if I wasted anyone’s time with this.