As much as I’ve wanted to stay positive about my healing journey, my current situation is starting to be a pain.
With my internet access and laptop time restricted to only the weekend, my motivation levels are slowly getting worse. I’m starting to lose interest in going to my art club, and with how rarely other people come in to join me and the teacher, I’m not feeling very inspired or motivated in drawing at all.
I’m also beginning to lose interest in class, and taking less notes as such. And with the added pressure by my dad to get better grades in math, it’s only making things worse. There’s also been some controversy regarding some classmates being a part of a inappropriate messenger group too… Just letting it be known.
In general, I’m losing all my motivation to get through the day. Just today I had another discussion regarding my recent issue with the art club, and my dad still begs me to go anyways. And when I suggest I could go to a horse riding club, he denies it because “it’s too far away from home”. My mom argued with him and told him what he’s doing is bad, and he still denies the clame.
All these things are building up a lot of stress for me. I’ve tried to keep calm throughout all this, but it still gives me headaches (and quite literally too, at some point). I’m still gonna update if needed, but this is really getting out of hand.
It sounds like you have multiple things that are adding to your stress at once and it is becoming a bit overwhelming. I think that if you love art, and want to continue to try to grow in that category. That you should do it for yourself, and not necessarily base it on how many people are showing up, but at the same time, I can see how that might be a deterrent from wanting to go. If it makes it less enjoyable. I do agree with you that if you don’t feel like going, and it is not something that you don’t necessarily enjoy anymore, that your dad should not be pressuring you too hard to do so. You should be allowed to advocate for the things you do/don’t want to do when it comes to extra curricular activities. Although transportation and ability to get to things definitely is a logical thing that I could see getting in the way of these things. If you could find someone else who already goes to the thing you are interested in going to. Maybe you could find a way to get transportation with a friend. You can still practice your art at home if you don’t necessarily enjoy doing it in the art club anymore.
As for non-extracurricular activities. I can see the reasons for a parent wanting you to improve in those and do well in school. So that you have high marks and good grades on your record. But I think it is natural to sometimes fall out of motivation towards these things. Not all subjects, and things are going to be interesting and you shouldn’t feel guilty for getting a bit un-motivated. All you can do is your best. Are there things that do motivate you, that you could potentially think of while doing the things that don’t. Like “When I am done getting through this, I get to do this”. So that the motivation becomes what you get to do later, and not necessarily to do good in the thing you are doing now. Like a reward type system in your brain. Not sure if that would help at all, just an idea.
If having more internet time and laptop time would help motivate you to do better in things. Perhaps you could discuss this with your parent, and see if they are willing to compromise. Explain to them that you will be more motivated, and better able to get done the things they are pressuring you to do, if you could have a bit more leisure time and access to your laptop.
Regardless of all of this I hope that your stress and headaches can lesson, and you can find solutions to feeling a bit better and finding that motivation. I believe in you! Feel free to update us with more if you want/need. <3
Thank you for sharing some of what you have been dealing with. I’m sorry to hear about how stressful things have been for you. And I can understand where you are coming from. I would like to ask a question to clarify: Is it that you are losing interest in drawing altogether, or have you lost interest in going to the art club specifically?
I can imagine how it could be disappointing to not see the turn that you expected within the art club, especially since it was probably a way for you to enjoy something you love and try to meet people and make friends. Your idea to try and switch to another club that you might enjoy is a good solution. It’s unfortunate that your dad is not allowing the alternate club you chose. But I am glad that your mom has been understanding and supportive of your desires. Are there any other horse riding clubs that are closer to you (since your dad’s main concern was the distance)?
I can understand how it feels to know you are trying your best but that things still seem so hard as if they are pushing back against your efforts to heal and get better. You are strong for trying to keep your head and maintain a positive attitude. But sometimes it is also okay to acknowledge the pain that you feel as well. Do you have any outlets, or people that you can talk to? Have you ever spoken to a professional, if so, did you find it helpful?
From my personal experience, I find that it usually takes a combination of a lot of things to work through our feelings and emotions to get ourselves to a better and mentally healthier place. It was a lot of trial and error until I found all the things that helped and was able to put them together. Losing motivation is a normal part of the healing journey. But I do hope you are able to get that extended support to be able to keep going until you find the things that work best for you and your healing process. At the end of the day, regardless of the pressures from your dad, you are trying your best, and that is something to be proud of yourself for.
Hey Cora,
Thank you for being vulnerable with us. I am so sorry to hear that you are going through a tough time. It sounds like you have a lot on your plate, which can be very overwhelming. With school and activities, I think cutting yourself some slack is very important. It’s completely normal to be a little off your game or less motivated sometimes. If art is something you are really passionate about, I would encourage you to stick to it, and maybe you can find an art group/class posted online of people that meet outside of a school to do art. I think it’s also great that you want to explore other activities and hobbies. If horseback riding is something you feel strongly about, maybe you could find a bus or other means of transportation that your parents would approve of.
Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I try to break things down in baby steps. Think about what the most pressing matter is and start there. I am so glad to hear that your mother is supportive and could maybe reason with your father.
Trust that you will find your way through all of this. Believe in yourself, you’ve got it. We are always here for you <3
Thank you for reaching out and sharing what you’re going through. I am sorry things are not the easiest at the moment, it seems like you have a lot piling up at the same time and being stressed is totally understandable. The times when we do not feel like doing anything can be especially depressing, even more so when there is pressure around us, but one thing you can count on is for those moments to pass eventually. I know it may be a lot to deal with at the moment, but you are so strong, and I don’t doubt that brighter days will make their way to you soon. We can’t forget that healing has much of its ups and downs - it is far from being a linear process! A period of time where things are more difficult doesn’t negate all of the progress you’ve made so far - just something I feel is nice to be reminded of sometimes. Know that I believe in you and wish you all the best <3 Even though I may not have solutions at hand, I am always more than happy to listen and will be here rooting for you!
First off, I’d like to thank everyone here for their support on my journey so far. It really does mean the world to me, especially when I have no where else to go in my life.
But there are a few things that I feel need to be clarified.
What I’m going through right might as well be artblock or burnout. I’ve found it quite hard to get ideas for new projects, let alone even make something as small as a side doodle. I have two sketchbooks just collecting dust at this point, and I’ve been feeling more uninspired as the days pass.
And secondly. The horseriding club is the only one, at the outskirts of my town, and my best option yet. I’ve done my research on it, and it’s a pretty good place to start from what I’ve seen (not as difficult as my dad makes it seem to be). And even then, I’m pretty sure a schedule can be discussed with the director/owner anyways.
And thirdly, about that discussion from earlier. My mom always makes a point to mention the fact that my dad can be very negative when it comes to new interests. Every time he finds out about a like of mine, he critiques it and points out every possible blemish there is. To the point he’ll even discourage it to make sure I stay in his rigid little circle of what I “should” like instead.
It’s annoying as hell to go through. And like my mom says, I can’t do anything about it and have to listen to him regardless. He’s a stubborn man, and it takes a lot of convincing to change his mind…
But anyways, back to the topic. It warms my heart to know there are people out there rooting for me, despite everything in life bashing me down to my lowest. I’ll promise to update as much as I can on the matter, even with the limited access to here.
Thank you for clarifying. Having more understanding of the situation, I can see how it is frustrating and annoying to deal with. You are making active efforts in a mature way, but those efforts are constantly being shut down by your father. It is very aggravating when others, especially parents don’t understand, or try to understand us, how we feel and where we are coming from.
We for sure are rooting for you! And we are always here to listen and provide support where we can!
