I’m not as panicky as I can be at times, but I can really feel these things weighing on my chest.
I think I’m going to drop out of college. Or take a break. At least a break. I know I’m failing all my classes probably. I don’t know maybe I can manage through… I really don’t know. I’m really at a loss. I need a break from school. I don’t know what I’m doing and I keep shoving myself into classes I think will be a good fit.
Honestly I feel so stupid. It’s like I don’t know a lot of stuff that an adult should know. Like I know it sounds stupid but I can barely use a ruler- I just don’t get it; I don’t know what a lot of words mean, like stuff in the news or just simple things people say. I feel so stupid.
I feel so behind in my life- I’ve been really hopeful since I got back from my trip but today has been rough. I’m still trying to find a job, I’m feeling really discouraged. This is the first time that I really want to cry out of pain and hatred of myself for a few months.
I’m trying to mold my life into something that works for me- I don’t want to follow the same path as everyone else. But it’s like every job needs a degree. I can’t even get my associates for heck’s sake.
I feel like I’m not strong enough. Sometimes I feel like all I’ll ever be is just a dead beat kid going no where.