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Struggling and endless panic


#1

I’m not as panicky as I can be at times, but I can really feel these things weighing on my chest.

I think I’m going to drop out of college. Or take a break. At least a break. I know I’m failing all my classes probably. I don’t know maybe I can manage through… I really don’t know. I’m really at a loss. I need a break from school. I don’t know what I’m doing and I keep shoving myself into classes I think will be a good fit.

Honestly I feel so stupid. It’s like I don’t know a lot of stuff that an adult should know. Like I know it sounds stupid but I can barely use a ruler- I just don’t get it; I don’t know what a lot of words mean, like stuff in the news or just simple things people say. I feel so stupid.

I feel so behind in my life- I’ve been really hopeful since I got back from my trip but today has been rough. I’m still trying to find a job, I’m feeling really discouraged. This is the first time that I really want to cry out of pain and hatred of myself for a few months.

I’m trying to mold my life into something that works for me- I don’t want to follow the same path as everyone else. But it’s like every job needs a degree. I can’t even get my associates for heck’s sake.

I feel like I’m not strong enough. Sometimes I feel like all I’ll ever be is just a dead beat kid going no where.


#2

I don’t know what your aspirations are. I, myself, think I want to be an Actuary or at least do something in Finance & business. Yet there still a voice in my head telling me that it is way too difficult a path.

I hope this article might help you in the future incase you’re undecided.


#3

Oh, Lyss. I love you so much. You are such a Sweet person with such a big heart. You are not stupid. You ARE strong. Things are really hard right now, I know, but you are much stronger than you think.

School is tough. I can’t say what the better decision is for you personally but you can bet your last dollar that I’ll be here to support you and love you with whatever direction you choose to go.

I can understand some of what you feel though, as I have learning disabilities. I also have ADHD and have a really hard time focusing. I can’t hold onto and maintain information, my brain can’t wrap around so many things. I struggle with understanding so much. Even things that are just a part of day to day life. I require someone to be with me when I go to important places to act as a second pair of ears and as my advocate and spokes person. It makes me feel stupid and worthless. So I get that feeling all too well!

Dear, Lyss, I am here any time you want or need a friend. I may not always know what to say and I may not be able to solve your struggles, but I’ll be a friend. I’ll offer you my heart, understanding and a safe place. I’ll listen to you. I’ll play games with you. I have a Minecraft server that you’re welcome to come hang and relax on. Whatever you need. We can talk about art! Or dreams! Life.

I just want you to know how important you are. I know it can be hard but keep on fighting my friend. Don’t give up hope. Cry if you need to, that’s okay. But keep hanging in there. It’ll get better. I know it doesn’t always feel good to hear that in the moment, but one day at a time my friend. I’m here okay?

Hold fast