Struggling to be Supportive

Someone I love has recently been diagnosed with depression.

I am one of the first, if not the only, person that they have opened up to about their struggles with depression, anxiety, and the traumas of their childhood. They decided to see a therapist after I had encouraged them too. We had a long conversation about ego, and pride, and I affirmed that there is no shame in going to therapy. Their diagnosis was not surprising, but I know it was painful for them. They were prescribed anti-depressants the same day. Since then they have been distant, and I’m growing more and more concerned for their health and well-being, but I’m really just happy they’re finally getting the support they need.

As for me, I feel really bad. I’m not depressed, and I’ve been in many great relationships that have made me feel so alive and so loved and so energetic and it’s really hard for me to not compare this relationship, to those relationships. I’ve noticed that when I’m with them, I’m either yearning for them to share and engage in my love and my happiness, or I am sucked into their depressed and distant states, causing sadness and apathy for me too. Often times this relationship leaves me feeling empty and unfulfilled. I love this person, so much, and I want to be there to support them and to help them and I’m fearful that if I pull myself away now that I will cause harm at a time when they really need love and support.

I’m not sure what to do.


Hey distant.lover,

This is such a hard situation. I can relate so much to this as I was your friend and my best friend was in the same position as you.
I don’t have any “100% guarantee this will work” words to offer, but I can offer some insight into what your friend might be feeling and how my friend helped me through it.

First off, you’re a great friend and your friend is lucky to have you in their life. I’m so glad you encouraged them to seek treatment and believe it will definitely help, give it time.

I remember the first month I was on my meds, they made me super apathetic. It honestly seemed like it was having a reverse effect on me. After that month though, I started feeling like myself again. I found that I was able to go through the day and not have anxious thoughts and actually enjoy life. I don’t know how long your friend has been on meds, but it might be the same. Also, their meds may not be the “right ones”. I had to go through so many trials of medication before I landed on what I found most helpful.

I know you are a great friend by this post. But, you also have to take care of yourself. I’m not saying to cut them out of your life, but walk through this with them in a healthy way. Know your limits. Show your friend you love them and care about them deeply, but also make sure you are okay too. I’m bad at worrying about others to the point that I end up becoming anxious and eventually break, which isn’t helping anyone. You are at your best for your friend when you are healthy.

I don’t know if any of this helps or is just rambling, but I hope you find encouragement somewhere in it.

Hold Fast,


Hey @distant.lover,

It sounds like you’re a “feeler” like me! I also tend to find myself bouncing off of the energy of whoever I’m around, whether it be happy or sad energy. For me, I have to find that healthy balance of who to be around, because as they say, “Show me who your friends are and I’ll show you who you are.” I’m sure your depressed friend needs you, and it’s awesome that you’re there for your friend, but make sure you also find time to refill your “happiness tank” via your method of choice. I hope this helps! :slight_smile:


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