Struggling what to make of life

HeartSupport Support
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Hi there I am a 28 year old male, married with a 3 month baby.

I have been struggling with depression (although I haven’t been clinically diagnosed) but I feel sad, anxious, worried and pessimistic about life on a constant basis.

I have good things in my life such as my family, but I feel like every day is so meaningless and there isn’t any point to life.

I have a faith but a lot of times I feel disconnected and it doesn’t make much difference to my life.

I often compare my life to others e.g jobs, finances, having a house, nice cars, and feel like I am a failure. I believe this is because I’m a musician and it’s always been my dream to pursue a career but it’s never happened, and now I am stuck in office jobs scraping pennies to live.

I just felt like I wanted to open up and not necessarily get advice, but I feel doing it here is better than opening up to people I know as they may judge me or it will affect their opinion of me.

I feel trapped in my life, and that there isn’t anything I can do about it, and feel disconnected and lonely from my family, friends, and really struggle to find any enjoyment or purpose in life.

If you have read this thanks for your time!

Jim

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Hi Jim,

Welcome to HeartSupport. We’re so glad that you’re here and appreciate you for sharing with us.

It’s incredibly difficult to feel all those negative emotions without seeing a light at the end of the tunnel – an improvement in sight – and I can imagine all the exhaustion this may cause.

Being disconnected from people around us is a serious challenge, and I can understand how this could add to the difficult emotions you’re experiencing, particularly because it sounds like you aren’t able to share your struggles with them. This really is hard, and I feel for you. I understand that there’s a lot going on right now. With that said, I hope you are able to continue playing music, even if not as a career, as it sounds like you enjoy this (which is an incredible feat – it’s hard to become good with music and I’m always impressed by those with this talent). Music can have a wonderful healing power, and I hope it’s been helpful for you.

Thank you again for being here and for sharing. I hope you stay in contact if anything is on your mind; we’re here for you.

All the best,
Tuna

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Hey, thanks for reaching out.
Welcome to HeartSupport, it’s nice to have you here.
It takes a lot of courage to reach out and I’m proud of you for doing that.

Comparing ourselves with others is a common tendency that we, as people, have. However constant comparison only makes us feel worse about ourselves. Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses and it’s important to acknowledge that your strengths are unique to you.

I assure you, you aren’t a failure and I’m proud of you for coming this far. We’ll always be here to listen whenever you need us to and I hope you remember to be gentle to yourself and that there are brighter days ahead<3

Cat 187

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Hi there @Jb123 :people_hugging:

I first of all want to commend you for having the courage to openly talk about your struggles. I think this is even more important when you do feel vulnerable and unsure about the direction of travel for the future. However, you are far from alone, and there is hope and support out there. Feeling sad, anxious and pessimistic about life, not really knowing what life is about is challenging when you are a husband, and a new father. This is a heavy burden, and there is support out there.

Although you haven’t been clinically diagnosed, it’s still important to speak to a mental health professional who can assess you properly and give you guidance to support you through. I understand if you feel apprehension towards doing so, but support can be tailored to your needs. As a new Christian myself, I know how easy it can be to disconnect from your faith. Faith is our foundation for comfort, safety and security during tough times, and when we feel a million miles away, that removes the safety we once felt. Faith purposely leaves us with doubts and questions, that’s perfectly normal. If you are unsure, talk to your spiritual leader or someone who shares your faith.

A trap that so many of us fall into is making harsh comparisons to others. Especially where career and material possessions are concerned. Success looks different for everybody, and everybody has a different way of defining it. Perhaps you need to reconsider what success looks and feels like for you? Your worth isn’t determined by others, and as a musician you hold precious gifts. Feeling stuck and in Groundhog Day is common for people in your situation. However, Rome wasn’t built in a day and change certainly doesn’t happen overnight. You have the power to choose your path, and that’s important.

Looking after yourself is so important. When we slip into depressive states it’s so easy to stop caring about ourselves, but actually, you matter, you are worthy of love, but that love must start from within. Be gentle with yourself and celebrate the wins. They are important. Put some joy into your daily activities and focus on things that make you happy.

Lastly, vulnerability is strength. So, whilst I understand the hesitation to conceal your struggles from your loved ones, it’s important to let them in. If they truly love and support you, they will appreciate you telling them.

Keep on keeping on! :blue_heart:

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Hi Jb123,

First of all, welcome to this community and thank you for sharing your story here.

I think a lot of people here would be able to relate to how you feel; feeling like you’re going through the motions of life but not being fulfilled by it. That actually makes it particularly sad to me that you don’t feel able to share how you feel with your family, because your experience is one that I think almost anyone could empathise with.

I know you didn’t ask for advice, but if I were in your shoes I would share how I was feeling. Feeling disassociated is not going to helped by separating how you feel from the world. If you don’t feel able to talk to your family, a doctor may be someone you could reach out to at this point. At least they could give you a diagnosis and some first steps. At the very least, taking to them would mean you could share how you feel with another human being in your life, just so you’re not so alone in the dark.

As someone who struggles with depression, I promise you facing it with those you love makes the fight so much easier. x

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Hi Jim, Thank you for reaching out and opening up, I truly hope this has helped a little just getting some of it out of your head. I am so sorry that you are struggling, feeling disconnected from the people that you love and live with is difficult and pretty scary especially when what you really want is to shout out that you are having a tough time and you want to be heard and of course that feeling of lonliness only intensifies all the other feelings too.
I understand you are not looking for advice but I would encourage you to reach out to someone at home whether it is family or your GP.
It is understandable to fear being judged or indeed treated differently because you feel a certain way but those that love you would hate to think of you suffering in silence. I cannot imagine a family member of mine coming to me and offering them anything other than love and understanding.
Of course, you know them, I don’t so it is your decision. You are welcome here anytime without any fear of those judgements. Please feel free to post as and when you like. Lisa x