I have been struggling really bad lately. I have a lot of financial troubles going on as well as having to deal with most of my family shunning me because I left the Jehovah’s Witnesses. My mom and her parents are the only ones talking to me. It makes me so depressed and hurt that they won’t talk to me. The ones that have shunned me told me that they are disappointed in me and that I’m not making good life choices and they won’t talk to me again until I go back to the religion. Another thing is that the ones that are talking to me have been talking bad about me and my fiancé behind my back and to my face. My fiancé’s depression has gotten worse because of them and so has mine. I really don’t want to cut them off. Especially my mom who has been trying to be nice and get to know him and everything, but she told me that it is my fault that my family doesn’t like my fiancé is because of me leaving without saying goodbye. She is the only one who is coming to my wedding sadly. It has been 9 months since I left, and they are still upset about me leaving. If I didn’t leave, I wouldn’t be alive and if I go back, I won’t be alive for much longer. I’m trying my absolute best not to let it get to me but it’s so difficult. It doesn’t help that I found out at the same time that I have a tumor on my liver that I don’t have insurance anymore because my dad canceled it. So I can’t get the help I need for my mental or physical health. I don’t know what to do. I have so many things going on at once and it’s really making me struggle mentally. I’ve been harming and I hate myself for it but I don’t know how else to feel less numb.
I am sorry that your family has been a source of suffering. One of the very basic problems with Jehovah’s Witnesses is that, at least the ones I’ve met, are motivated by fear of punishment, rather than love. The goal of Christianity as taught by Jesus, is to establish a personal relationship with the Divine. Jehovah’s Witnesses expect adherence to what they have written, rather than what one’s own heart says is right. In other words, their belief system interferes with the essential message of Jesus, which is to have a direct relationship with God.
Backing away from that religion is evidence of spiritual growth. It sounds like your family has not figured that out yet. I have a feeling that misguided religious beliefs are forgivable in the eyes of God, but once a person discovers a greater reality, there is no turning back to embrace the previous blindness.
It’s quite clear that if your family is shunning you, or speaking against you, they are not even adhering to the principles presented in their religion.
I often refer to myself as a “recovering Catholic.” The Catholic community I grew up in was rife with hypocrisy, and the family I grew up in was very much like a cult. I had to get away from it, which I did. A couple of my family members were so obsessed with trying to get me back under their religious control, they tried to get my kids taken away, lose my wife, and get fired. They failed in their efforts, but I told them to never come around to me again.
Hopefully, problems with your family will not be nearly as severe. Hopefully, where you are living, there are resources for people who need medical help, and don’t have insurance. Many states have some version of Obama care. My son lives in New York, which has the public insurance option, and required a spinal fusion surgery. His co-pay was something like $30. He is also on pain management, and that’s costing about the same amount every month.
Try calling the Department of Health. They probably can provide guidance. Hospitals have social workers, and if they are decent, they can help a person to contact with needed resources. So walking in and asking to see one might be an option. Calling 211 may also be a good move, as they try to find help for people.
My feeling is that you left without saying goodbye because your family’s behavior made it clear that you had no other reasonable option.
Feeling numb is the body’s way to diminish pain. Sadly, it also interferes with positive feelings. You need to be around people who care about and support you. A family that criticizes you, and withholds support because you are finding your own path to the Divine, is toxic. You don’t need that unfair judgment in your life.
You deserve love and support. You also deserve the freedom to nurture yourself and be your own friend. If your family doesn’t get it, too bad.
Please come back and share your feelings whenever you want. We appreciate you, and care about your struggles.
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hi Friend, Thank you for posting, It is very hard for me to comment reasonably on your situation as I myself am in no way religious and would never stand for anyone mistreating me because of religion however as we are talking about your parents I understand that yearning for a good relationship. I must be very hard to know that they put this practice before thier own children but maybe you could learn from this, maybe it is time for you to put yourself and your partner first and move on, you deserve a better life where you are not judged or made to feel guilty for someting you have not reason to feel guilt for. Also it would be better spending time working on finding a way to find some support midically. I wish you all the luck in the world and we at heartsupport are always here for you. Much Love Lisa. x
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hello JourdB I’m glad you got away from the JWs, I’ve studied the organization and its pretty disturbing how they can shun someone, especially a child or spouse. I’ve seen it happen with a friend and it was very sad. JW org is based on fear and that isn’t good. If I remember correctly, you’re not even supposed to be looking at this site. I’m glad you are here tho and I’m glad you have a partner who loves you. I’m assuming that your partner isn’t JW and that’s why you were shunned? I hope that you can make a new life with your partner and live happily without fear. Until your family opens their eyes like you did, they will prob not change. You are loved here and you matter! ~Mystrose
When I ran away I left the religion as well thankfully. My fiance isn’t JW either but he’s very understanding and supportive.
I’m sorry to hear about your son. I’m glad he’s getting the right care though.