Struggling with what’s my purpose, etc

I’ve really been struggling with depression lately in general but also have questions nagging at me lately. I’m a Christian so I don’t question God’s existence but I often wonder…if He has a plan for me, what is it? Am I a terrible Christian because I still have no clue about this? I just feel like a failure because no matter what job I work, I end up hating it for one reason or another and new stuff i’m trying like video game streaming seems to be taking forever to get anywhere. Also I feel like it’s all my fault that my mom feels like she needs to “walk on eggshells “ around me because I was such a jerk to her in my teens and 20s. And on top of that I feel like I’m always letting my wife down and not being a good enough husband. So I’m kinda a wreck but still holding it all together.

Dear wiggy

It hard to know what of our main purpose at times. But as humans we not meant to be perfect. You may have struggle but that part of being human. Alan Watts a famous philosopher said he met monks. Men they were very moral and wise, but he find they are had fault , impulse and tempers. But that wise moral Amit they not perfect, because that what part being human. You are good man and don’t beat yourself up

Thanks. That makes me feel a little better

Sounds really like myself.
Maybe sometimes we can‘t see the purpose of our lives. But maybe when were looking for a purpose we are searching for big things, but maybe we should look at the little things along the way. And i think its important to set some goals for yourself, but remain at peace with the present moment.

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This does not make you a terrible Christian at all. You are asking yourself the same questions that even the most devoted Christians have dealt with themselves either in the past or even currently are dealing with. It is common to question ourselves and our purpose when we see no clear purpose within ourselves. Overall, our biggest purpose as Christians is to carry out the Mission, which is to be disciples of Christ. Sometimes we overthink this and believe that we need to put ourselves on a platform or pressure ourselves into thinking we need to do go out and be a good person and live up to other people’s expectations. However, it is much more simple than that. The situation you are in now, the people you have in your life and that you surround yourself with, THESE are the things where your purpose starts. You have a purpose as a husband to love your wife and care for her just as you vowed to on your wedding day. You have a purpose in your job in how you contribute something to the organization, and how your contributions help support you and your wife and your family. I know this may said easier said than done, but I would encourage you to see the purpose you have in the present moment you are in as a husband, an employee, a son, and so on, and find joy in these things. I know how difficult it is when you question whether or not God has a plan for you, but He has a plan for all of His children. Even if you find it hard to believe, what you are doing right now serves a purpose in your life, even if it seems small or irrelevant. The dark clouds of depression, anxiety, worry, and self-hatred make it hard to see the little joys in our everyday life, but if you are willing to search for them, you may find that those clouds start to disappear. Seek joy in the little things of life my friend, because although we love to think big about our lives and our futures, the joys and pleasures of life are already with you, right in front of you. :smile:

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