Im on vacation in North Carolina with my grandparents. They dont know I’m gay, but I am remotely religious (Christian, Buddhism, and a few others, ask me about it if you’re interested) which they know. my grandparents are very conservative and religious and often speak out about being against homosexuality and hold very strict views which i have to grin and agree with (even though almost everything the are against fits into me as a person). I’m liberal, gay, struggle with mental health, and have pretty bad anxiety.
They actively speak out about homosexuality being a sin and that I can deal with but this morning my grandmother actively said she would support my father leaving my mother(her daughter) calling her crazy and saying that my father is getting nothing out of their relationship.
My mother attempted to take her own life by overdosing and strangling herself several years ago. She was in the ICU for a week, and in a medically induced coma for 3 of those days. She was on a breathing machine, she came very close to dying. If she came in any later she would’ve died.
She started trying to make my father look bad by saying he would yell at her and that he didnt want me, my brother, or my sister and all sorts of other garbage (which is totally reversed from what she said earlier) and it hurts my emotionally to the point where it hurts my physically. I dont leave until Friday and I know shes going to want me to come back, theres no way in heaven, hell, or high water I would come back. I love her because she is family by blood, but I dont necessarily like associating myself with her because she is so just brutal to people about people and it hurts to hear. She’s told me all about my mothers childhood (sexually abused by her father, former coke addict, like hard drugs) and she’s totally invaded the privacy of those who didnt want their information to be known. it is just frustrating because i cant leave, because im 1000 miles (1600km) away from home and i dont get on my plane until Friday.
Im frustrated and sad and I dont know how i can be honest with her about any of this. I’ve told my parents and the car that my family drives would last about 10 minutes down our road before breaking down and we have literally no money so i cant get home earlier. im just and not sure what to do with all of this im lost and cant do anything to leave.
Hey @StHaTaDi-Ethan,
I’m sorry to hear about the difficulties that you’re having between you and your grandmother. I don’t want to generalize the elderly, but I’ve found that many become very defensive when you bring up opposing views (in anything). In addition, studies show that your opponent, during a debate, on average, is willing to double-down on their beliefs than convert to yours. I very rarely recommend withholding information from the party of interest (i.e. I’m a firm believer in strong communication), but I would actually suggest not to bring up the conflicts you have with her, because I only foresee you leaving with more pain than what you entered with. I could be completely wrong, but that’s just my two-cents. In the meantime, I would just suggest to try to avoid her as much as possible, since she seems like a pretty negative influence on your life. I know it’s much easier said than done, but I’m sure you’ll find a way!
-Eric
I know that you leave on Friday so that’s just one more day from now! Keep your eyes on the positives friend don’t focus on the negative.
It seems as if the family situation you are in has grown increasingly toxic. It’s harmful to you, and others in your family. I would agree with Eric to not bring up the conflicts that you have with her rather don’t focus on them and to focus on your future instead. You are about to go out and do good in the world don’t let what you are going through now dampen that.
Stay strong and hold fast.
PMacDanceDude (Patrick) Team Out of the Ashes
You guys really pushed to get me through that last day without breaking. Thank you, Patrick, Eric, and Out of the Ashes