Have you ever had a realization in life that you are the problem or finally just accepted responsibility that you are? Today would be that day for me. I always thought I was working hard and trying to keep my head above water and be an example for my son as his only parent. Turns out I’ve been a liar. I’m just a miserable person who is mean and worthless, arrogance has only made me believe otherwise for so long. I always thought the verbal abuse and emotional manipulation I endured as a kid from my mother was because of her instead I realize I was the asshole because here I am having similar problems with my husband and I am the common denominator. I used to feel weak for speaking about any of it and pretend it didn’t exist now I just feel like I probably am a shitty human and honestly if it wasn’t for my son I probably would just make everyone’s life better and be gone.
I wonder if maybe you are being really hard on yourself here. I don’t know your situation so I can’t say. But what I can say is, if you can recognize where you are struggling or have a weak point, that already is a huge STRENGTH.
Not many people can admit to the things they are faulted in or play a part in. Many want to deny it. So I think that if you are having a hard time with some things and can see it, it’s worth giving yourself a little credit
We all have areas in our lives that we can improve on. Every one of us. And every one of us are flawed and imperfect. We all live and learn through our experiences both good and bad. When you see something that you need to improve yourself on, the next step is to ask yourself how and what can you do?
What are some things that you can do to work on what you struggling with? How can you take the step in making those things happen?
Often the case is, things cannot be changed over night. Often the case is, we have to actively work on our habits, the things we do, the things we say and try to work it in to our routine and way of speaking, living and doing.
What are some things that you feel are a problem or a weakness for you? And what are some things that you can do to change in what you do and what you say? What habits do you have that need to change? What are some things that can help you make that change?
But also, are you being overly hard on yourself and just beating yourself up? It’s good to know the difference. To know where you may need to improve but also where to stop beating on yourself.
I care for you friend. You are not a shitty human. You don’t need to be “gone” - You matter. Your feelings matter. Your life matters. Even in the mistakes you have made in your life, you still matter.
It can get better. You don’t have to go at it alone. Okay? I’m sending you lots of love. Always know you are welcome to share here. To talk about what you are going through.
@Unabletocope you are not a terrible person! Do not blame yourself for everything! Love your son with all your heart. That little boy thinks that you are the best thing in the world. I think that you are being way too hard on yourself. Maybe you should try to find things that you and your little boy could do together that will make you happy.