Stuck in a medical/emotional rut

Hey everyone, this has been something I’ve been wanting to talk to about for quite some time; didn’t have an outlet to really talk to anyone about his so I came here.

For the last three months my wife has been having health problems; she’s been having complex migraines, headaches and borderline seizures. Due to her health she needs constant watching-over to make sure she’s okay. I do work a 40 hr/week job and am the only one making any income at the moment. Because of her health problems she was put on medical leave for a month and a half, yet due to underhanded tactics by her job they let her go.

While she’s been having health problems her best buddy from work who was a former medic in the Air Force has been looking after her at his home about 1.5 hours away. At first I thought she’d be able to kick this soon, but it’s been almost three months and she’s still nowhere ready to come home yet. We’ve seen each other a handful of times for a little bit of time; however something feels off.

I’m not sure if it’s me feeling more lonely than ever for not having her here, not sure if it’s such a squirrel-y situation that we haven’t told our parents about it, or if I just feel powerless about not being able to help her physically. I don’t know a gosh darn thing about how to physically help her that much and all I can be is a source of comfort and income. However I still feel lonely and inadequate.

Not only that but the feeling of loneliness of her not being here for so long has thrown me into a depression like I’ve never felt. I’m fidgety, panicked, feel like crying and don’t know what to do. I hate this feeling and want it to go away…

I’m not sure what to do at this point… I’ve never been so confused in all my life.

Hey @DrewskiSings,

I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. What you’re feeling right now (via loneliness) is completey normal, given your situation. Ironically, I follow a YouTube channel called “ASAPscience” and they actually just did a segment on “loneliness” and how crippling it can be, regarding fuel for anxiety/depression, etc. Can you visit your wife on the weekends, maybe? This might help ease the tension of doing a long distance relationship. Remember that this is a season, albeit a dark one, and that it WILL pass. Hold fast, friend! We believe in you. :slight_smile:


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That sounds like such a complicated situation. I can totally understand your loneliness right now. Your wife is sick and all you want to do is help, but you’re not capable of making this go away. You’re feeling powerless but also lonely because you can’t be with her and have your normal life with her. That would be hard for anyone to go through. I bet she’s feeling a lot of what you’re feeling too. Maybe there’s some kind of support group you could go to? I know a lot of hospitals have groups for family and partners struggling with their loved one’s health issues. Just don’t do this alone. Isolation is a terrible thing. Talk to someone, anyone. Try to spend as much time with her as you can. Seek out support for you too. Medical issues are hard on everyone involved. I pray for her recovery and yours through this. We’re here for you through this too.

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Hey hun, I’m so sorry to hear about your wife. It is normal to feel this way and although it is tough you can overcome this. Things will get better I hope they help her out soon for now all you can do is help her become better and believe.

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Hello, How are you? So good of you to seek some solace with folks, here. Be unafraid!

What types of technology do you have available? Most tablets and smartphones as well as computers, connected to an IoT, internet, can place you right into a 2D or 3D conversation with your wife. Some of the best conversations occur when people can visually see and provide response to the physical cues of emotion expressed on an individual’s face.

Perhaps, you want to visit this woman more often? If you’re working 40 hour weeks, then there should be some spare time in there, during the week to visit someone… even if it is three hours of driving. Try living in Chicago… It is three hours of driving a day just to get to work, lol!

Also, consider creating some personal tokens and mementos to send to her. Write a letter each week and send it out in the mail. She will receive it within three or four days, usually, for the distance you mention that separates you. Hand write her a letter and send it out, today! Such a pleasurable experience to receive a genuine letter from family or friends… believe it.

Anyways, maybe you could learn medical practices with the help of a physician? A doctor, who knows of your wife’s condition can provide you with a reasonable plan of care for when you’re providing aid to assist her. Good reasoning prompts a logical next step to learn how to care for her if you are unable to know at this moment for lack of practice or knowledge. What stops you from learning? You can put your mind to the task of being prepared to help this woman live reasonably well in your care. Practice makes you better prepared. What you have to do is try.



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Oh how I really feel for you. I’ve been in your wifes side of things - I have chronic basilar migraines and they are awful. My advice is definitely to spend as much time as you can with her, even if it’s via facetime or whatever whenever she’s feeling up to it, and with your friends when you can’t be with her. Seek out that support - even if it’s in an online forum like here and find things to occupy your free time. We’re all here for you!