Suicide Letters

I had made a Suicide note for the first time last month, I told a leader in the church and they talked with me, and after I sat infront of it for at least 30 minutes debating weather I should throw it away or not. I finally threw that first one away…a couple days after I wrote another one, I felt the ABSOLUTE NEED and URGE to write another letter, and so I did. Because I feel like the way my life is gonna end is by me putting it into my own hands. I felt I had to write another one for an explanation to leave to my parents. I never told anyone about my new one, no one knows. I almost ripped it and threw it, but never did. I have it stashed in a notebook and I read it sometimes because I think it would happen. I was told one time “your not gonna do anything to yourself”, the fact that I was told that, urged me to do it more because it made me feel like they took me as a joke. If I have the guts to cut myself, then I would kill myself. The fact that they told me that, got me upset. Sorry!! Two posts in one day .-. My apologies.

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Your letters are proof of connection.You want to know and be known. You are dearly loved, you are wanted, you are worthy. Do not make the mistake of testing those truths by making an exit. Stay. Stay and keep connecting. Stay and keep writing. Whatever is in your notes… there is more to say. You have a voice that is crying out. That is what we do when we are hurt or afraid, or feel abandoned. AN when you cry out - people show up. Please please please please try to be patient wit the world. Sometimes we are terrible at the need to pay attention until it is too late. Know that your message here helps me come out of all my distractions to something far more important - the need to say that your message is received, and that you are loved, and that you can - and will- survive this hard season that is only temporary. Hold fast. Believe that the best is yet to come.

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Hi God_is_Love,

I am so sorry that you are in such a dark place right now. And I’m also so sorry that that person basically didn’t believe you when you tried to tell them how you were feeling. But you need to try to ignore those words. There are people who will listen to you and who will believe you when you tell them you are hurting. We are here for you.

But it’s just like your name, God IS LOVE. God is there for you, even in your darkest times. You are meant for love and life. Maybe the devil is really attacking you right now. But my friend, you are stronger. I really urge you to talk to someone about what you are going through. Maybe talk to your church leader if you feel comfortable, or maybe talk to your parents, if you can. Or continue to post here on the wall. Just don’t keep these thoughts locked inside because they can grow and really hurt us. You are meant for something beautiful my friend. Don’t let this be the end of your story.

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You are not a freak for writing those letters. You are not alone in this struggle. God is with you. Pray to God to give you strength. He is loyal.