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Belongs to: Therapist breaths in Sulfur by Slipknot
Sulfur was one of the first songs I listened too when I came home this sunday… My family and I drove to see my grandma in hospital. She may be reunited with my grandpa any day now, so we said goodbye to her. My mom obviously cried a lot, my sister cried a lot, I cried a lot and seeing my grandma in a hospital bed, not even strong enough to speak to us was the most heart wrenching thing in my life. It’s extra tough because my siblings and I had our birthday just the day before and I actually had the idea to wanting to do something with some friends of mine (way before the situation with my grnadma). I decided to go regardless, since I couldn’t do anything else, so might as well try to not think about it for a while. I had to immdiatly speak to one of said friends about it, because I just needed to get it off my chest. She looked me in the eyes later that day, asked me if I was alright and commented on how tired I looked (I bet I looked about as tired as I felt then) and I still feel like I haven’t slept at all since sunday. I get angry because the most unimportant shit, I cried my eyes out at work yesterday before I even started working and honestly: I am only running on hugs from said friend I mentioned and the positive energy that working in a kindergarten, filled with children radiates for almost three days now… I always dreaded the day to come, now it’s here and it’s even more painful and exhausting then I could have ever imagined… I just wish I at least knew she isn’t suffering, but I honestly don’t know (and do not wanna think about it too much to be honest). My parents wanna drive there again tommorow and honestly: I don’t know how my mum does all of that without crying all day and all night. I just wanna go back to the times my grandparants got into the train and spend Christmas with us, when all was good…