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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Jenny's Tale by Ren
Th story is I was a male victim. But nobody listened.
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Hi friend,
I am sorry for what you’ve been through, and it is especially disheartening to hear that no one listened to you. Anyone can be a victim, as anyone can be an abuser, and it is frustrating to hear that the narrative that men can’t be victims is still being played out. You deserve to be heard, believed, and supported, no matter who you are. If you ever want to share more, we will always be here to fulfill those things <3
Yeah, this is so brutal. It’s so hard to be the person abused but not believed. Even in the brevity of what you wrote here, there are whispers of the impact that that non-belief had. It’s like…why even bother opening up about it? Sharing details about it? No one is going to care anyways. There’s this “discarded” feeling you get about yourself and your story…and that kind of identity really makes it hard to share. It’s hard to feel like - I opened up, I made myself vulnerable, and where did it get me? It got me rejected. Forgotten. Discarded. What a brutal message to try to internalize into your story and your life. When you FEEL insignificant, how do you change that? It feels like that insignificance just keeps you in this loop, this rut, of feeling like your voice doesn’t matter, and whatever I say, no one is going to care about anyways. Unchecked, that belief can affect so much of life - your opinion of what you have to say at work, or in relationships, your ability to exercise your own boundaries. It can keep you in cycles of abuse, because speaking up for yourself doesn’t matter, and so if someone is doing something wrong to you, it doesn’t matter what YOU think, no one is going to care anyways. It’s a really really hard lie to break free from.
Personally, the way this shows up in my life is inadequacy. I just think that I’m not good enough. And no matter what I do, how hard I try, the things I accomplish, I’m just never going to be good enough. This lie has such wide sweeping effects in my life. It affects my relationships, feeling like I’ll never be good enough to be SECURE, like I can fail my way out of my relationships…it affects my work, feeling like I can fail my way out of good standing with the people at the company, like people only like me when I am performing, like one day I’ll just fail hard enough that I’ll be kicked out. It causes a bunch of anxiety. It colors my whole life. It even colors the way I feel as a dad. Like my kids aren’t going to like me one day because I didn’t do enough. It’s everywhere! These kinds of core beliefs we form about ourselves are really important to name, to excavate, and to pursue healing.
I’ve found SO MUCH FRUIT in pouring through my inner workings in therapy and in work with my mental health. I’ve been able to begin the process of learning my self-worth outside of my achievements. Learn that I DO matter, that people DO care, even when I’m not “crushing it”. I’ve been practicing being able to be present instead of just thinking about the “next thing on the to do”. It’s a hard process, but I’m learning to like myself. To accept myself. To grow in peace. To look at life differently. To see the colors, the people, the joy in the journey. The hard work is worth it.
Which is why I greatly appreciate you writing here. Even if it’s just a blurb. Because you’re saying to yourself: my voice DOES matter. You’re defying the lies that says it doesn’t. And that is absolutely brilliant. I encourage you: keep going! If you want, we have free resources at heartsupport where you can open up about your struggles, and if you want, you can get paired with a mentor for a full year, where you meet with them every week just to talk about life and have them listen and support you. It’s beautiful, free, and easy to get connected to. If you want, you can check that out here: BTS Mentorship Program | HeartSupport
Whatever you decide, you’ve made a strong and courageous choice speaking up here. Well done. You matter, and I believe you!
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@@HeartSupport Thank you for the understanding and support.
@@HeartSupport Wow, you really captured my true feelings, I couldn’t even express myself with this reply. Thank you. I was in a long 10 custody battle to where she used the system to abuse me more with numerous false allegations. It was sheer torture for me and my son that became so unhealthy, that I had to just let go. We couldn’t escape, “women are the victims” narrative and were abused by the court all over again.
Thereafter, believing I was “worthless” as what you explained, I got involved with a narcissist for another 10 years, and that was horrific to say the least as well. I used alcohol to self-medicate until somewhat recover. I just recently ended therapy after 3 years bc I felt at fault and like the failure again, and lack of consistency from the therapist. I started drinking again and started having thoughts of suicide until I tripped into Ren’s music and messages. His songs like Sick Boi, Chalk Outlines, and Hi Ren literally saved my life. This one doesn’t trigger me bc it’s so raw n real and not just abt politics and profit.
Thank you for understanding, and sharing victims come in all shapes, sizes, races and gender. I’ve been sober for 2 days and just taking it 1 day at a time as they say. I would be honoured to accept a mentor but taking some time for myself atm. However, please advise how to get involved when I’m ready. Thank you again! ❤‍🩹