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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Happy? by Mudvayne
Thank you for the good work that you all do at HeartSupport.
I would strongly recommend The Pain Remains, Parts 1,2 and 3 by Lorna Shore. The exploration of extreme loss, bottomless grief, and giving in to some of the darkest emotions life could ever throw at you is all at once harrowing, awesome and truly heart-wrenching.
The series of songs hit home for me on a very personal level, and represent a very real and legitimate fear I am now having to face. It’s been extremely difficult to stay strong and positive, which creates (irrational) guilt - because I’m not the one who’s sick in this situation. I just get to be scared and I feel horrible for it, the worst part is you can layer it in as much logic as you like, but the feeling doesn’t care.
Idk, this fear, this smothering anxiety feels like a gnarly ball of fiery, arcing electricity that’s burning me up from the inside. I’m running on fumes and have been for months. I’ve been medicated for years now, which has worked well enough - but I feel like I’ve been so far gone for so long that I can’t even remember what “baseline” feels like anymore.
Maybe it’s time for therapy. Or sleep, that’d be nice too.