This is a topic from YOUTUBE. Reply as normal, and we will post it to the user on YouTube.
Belongs to: Therapist gets Down in a Hole with Alice In Chains
That’s how I feel every day
1 Like
I’m sorry you’ve been feeling that way, friend. My heart goes out to you. The idea of being rescued, of someone or something jumping in to fix all of your pain and struggles can be so comforting. When you feel despair on a daily basis, a part of you hopes for someone to see the pain you’re carrying silently, to acknowledge it and to take care of it for you. To provide healing, as soon as possible. You wish deep inside for this drastic change, for something or someone to finally shift the way you feel into the opposite direction. Yet days go on and it feels like you’re stuck in a waiting room again and again.
For what it’s worth, I personally connect to that longing for someone to take all the pain away, to make it stop, to make things feel lighter. Quite often in my life, I’ve felt like if someone else could just come in and help carry my pain, I could finally breathe again. That if someone could just see me, really see me, and take that burden off my shoulders, everything would be okay. But there are so many barriers that get in the way of making it possible. I understand how hard it is when that rescue doesn’t come the way you imagine it. It hurts even more. It’s frustrating, lonely and miserable. Day after day, that dream slips further away, leaving you feeling more alone in the waiting.
My friend, you do matter, even in those moments when it feels like you’re invisible or lost. The world can feel so heavy when we’re carrying it all alone, and it’s hard to see the support that is there, even if it’s not the way we expected. I see you. I hear your pain right now. I understand how difficult it is to learn to find healing within yourself rather than through others. It’s scary, even, when it feels you’re unequipped to climb a mountain like this. From the bottom of my heart, I believe you have that strength and resilience within that only needs to be revealed. Just by being here and opening up as you did, you are manifesting it.
Sending much love your way. 
-Marie-Anne, heartsupport staff
1 Like
It’s really hard when you’re at a place where life is painful and difficult and dark and it’s not changing. It’s the same way every day. There is a pain to monotony that is unique because it speaks to a hopelessness and a powerlessness and an inevitability of my future. And especially when my present is miserable, monotony is like a nail in the coffin of the futility of me dreaming about, caring about, hoping for change in your life. So you feel doomed.
When you’re stuck in a hole, a lot of people start by trying to climb out. It’s only natural. Right - you are in a miserable situation, you look up, you see the light, you see the way out, you go to the walls, and you look for handle-holds. You try running up the wall. You try putting your legs on the far wall, and your hands on the near wall, and shimmying yourself upwards. The problem when you get to the place where you’ve tried everything and you’re still stuck, is that instead of feeling the rush of hope, the curiosity of how you could escape, you get to a place where your only companion is despair. That’s what powerlessness does to you when you’re in a hole.
This year, the way I felt powerless - it all started back in April. I was making a big move, had fallen in love with the girl of my dreams, had everything going, just started unlocking my talent in music, but life happened. Went through a tough breakup and couldn’t find a place to live. I waited, and there was nothing else I could do. I waited for months and months and nothing ever opened up . I lived in my vehicle. I depended on the gym to do everything to get ready for work in the morning. Every other weekend, I would have to travel out of state. I had to wait for a transfer from my jobs to a different location. It was all a waiting game - there was nothing I could do. I was going through all of this and dark thoughts took over me . Demons came back to attack me, and I almost didn’t make it out that time. I drove and drove for miles and hours, drowning in my own dark thoughts, asking myself - do I have a purpose in life ? Why am I still here? This is the feeling of powerlessness that I felt all year - what else can I do? Here I am suffering through all of this. It was a living nightmare .
But one of the big things that helped me was zooming out of that moment. I started to see a bigger pattern in my life that my own darkness was clouding. I remembered that I have been growing significantly in my musical ability, and I remembered that there’s something substantive that I feel like I have to offer to the world. And when I zoomed out, I started to see my life differently. I started to see that these difficulties could help me write exceptional lyrics. And I grew a desire to share my story with others through the music I write so that they could know I was in that dark hole too.
One of the things that I wonder could be helpful is if instead of feeling alone in your hole, you zoomed out and saw that you’re actually in this whole network of tunnels. That there are other people suffering underground too. There’s something that might feel like - what the hell is that supposed to do for me - but on the other hand, it can tap into this whole creative potential. What if knowing that you’re not alone could re-inspire you to not feel doomed. To not feel forgotten. To not feel worthless. That you aren’t uniquely damned to this subterranean life. That maybe there’s a whole city of people underground with you. What could happen if instead of trying to climb up, we decided to dig towards one another? What if there was another way to do this? I know this is theoretical, but knowing we’re not alone opens up new, creative possibilities, instead of feeling hopelessly stuck and forgotten.
In fact, you saying something here today is significant in and of itself, because it’s a recognition - even if just subconsciously - that when you shout up the hole, or into the wall, there’s actually someone there. And when you speak about your struggles, you’re actually CREATING hope. That someone can hear, someone cares, someone will be there for and with you. So this small act of courage is actually HUGELY impactful, and I’m so thankful for you for saying something.
1 Like