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The big lie: "It will never get better"

Hello everyone!
Some of you know me as Epi, some of you know me as Bart.

I really felt ready to take my life just to stop the pain, it looked like the only way to get out of the darkness.
I thought I will never be able to wake up and… Feel happy! Feel happy without the mask, without having to fake it. As the years went it, the feeling of hopelessness just grew and grew on me.

And that is when I found this truly amazing and wonderful community,
I found about HeartSupport and posted my first Support Wall topic roughly 3 weeks ago.

Ever since that Support Wall topic I’ve tuned into a few streams on Twitch and enjoyed it a lot!
The community’s so calm and everyone seemed… friendly! Which was a surprise to me because of living in such a toxic environment.

Usually I would just lurk in chat and listen to the stream in the background while doing something else.
The responses I’ve received on my topic were… Amazing! to say the least. So that pushed me forwards a little bit as “Hey, this community actually cares!”.

Another thing is that… I’m able to be me here. No one is judged and everyone is supported which means so much for a person who was bullied for 7 years.

After that I decided to interact a little bit more, nothing too special but just responding in chat, sharing stories, making jokes and so on.

Let’s break off the story line for a bit,
“It will never get better” is a lie!

It’s a lie that I have believed and accepted as reality. Many of us accepted it as the reality.
What if I told you that… Maybe you can break that reality!
It may seem hard of even impossible to give that last push/last try with the hope that something will change, something turn around.

Hearing the phrase “My life turned upside down…” it’s usually associated with life turning from “good” to “bad” and… many of us just stay there, stay upside down. You are able to turn it upside… well up!
If it was able to spin upside down you can spin it back around right?

Back to the story.

Guess I’m decent at programming, I reached out to Dan and Casey to possibly make something that would benefit the community itself!
That’s how HSForumBot was made!

The reason I included the ForumBot in this story is that, making it and the bot being used helped me emotionally. Making anything meant (and still means) a lot to me because I get that feeling of happiness when I can say “Hey! I made that and look at it being used.”

For the past few days I managed to accomplish exactly that! I’m waking up with a smile on my face. I’m waking up ready for the day!
Sure, old emotions are not gone but they will with time.

I overworked myself with rushing the bot and everything so a few days ago I took a “day off” and… I felt down. Everything blew around but I was still… stuck, lost.

During that day and till this day still blows me away. I go check on the Support Wall and see… 12 responses to someone’s topic using the exact bot I made the other day.
I know this might not mean much to some of you but that is a feeling I will never forget. NEVER!

From experience I know that helps, it helps people who are feeling hopeless to all of a sudden get 12 notifications about people supporting them from a live stream!?! Is it just me or does that feel awesome?

Keeping track? Barely 3 weeks ago I was so close to taking my own life and I felt completely hopeless of anything changing and here I am!

Are absolutely all my feelings and emotions solved? Absolutely not.

But it is certainly easier dealing with them with a more positive vibe and a wonderful community full of awesome people behind you!

I’m inexplicably thankful of finding about HeartSupport and this community!
If you are dealing with ANYTHING, please consider opening up and sharing it with this community!

That’s my success story of sorts.
Thanks for reading and,

Hold Fast!

~Bart

4 Likes

@Bart

You’re welcome. Thank you for sharing your story and you gave HeartSupport a chance. You are a strong person. Not only you believe in yourself, but you also believe in us. It means so much to us (HS). Continue to live. Life is beautiful. I hope you are having a great evening. God bless you.