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The dam broke / thankful

I’m just writing here because I usually feel better after I write out what I’m feeling.

Lately I’ve been feeling down, depressed, trapped, stuck. And despite all of these terrible feelings I haven’t been able to cry. You know how sometimes, you just need a good cry? I thought maybe if I could just cry and get it out then I might feel a little better. But no matter what I did or what I felt, tears would never come. Until last night.

Immediately after my husband and I had sex, I broke down. The entire time I was trying to hide the fact that I was reliving awful memories in my mind, and as soon as we were finished, the dam broke. I couldn’t hold it back anymore. I just started sobbing - awful ugly crying where I couldn’t catch my breath. I kept apologizing that I ruined everything by getting upset. And I did, I ruined the mood completely, but I am so so proud of my husband for knowing exactly what was wrong and knowing exactly how to comfort me. He immediately wrapped his arms around me and was whispering in my ear that I was okay and that I was safe, and that he wouldn’t have been upset at me at all if I had spoken up before, that he never wants to hurt me or upset me. I could barely speak through the tears but I managed to say “But its been so fucking long. I should be over this by now.” But he reassured me that it was okay and that it was normal, and that some things stick with us for a long long time, sometimes forever, but it was okay, I was okay and I was safe with him. He held me tight for what seemed like forever just whispering into my ear how much he loved me until I finally calmed down, stopped crying and felt okay again.

I am so thankful for him. Not only is he so sweet, comforting, loving and so much more, but he takes such great care of me. Lately I’ve been really sick, and then I sprained my toe and have been hobbling around ever since, but he has made sure that I was taking my medicine and keeping my foot elevated, tucking me into bed and spoiling me. I love him so much and I am so incredibly lucky to have found him. I don’t know what I would do without him.

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This is so awesome :heart_eyes::heart:. This is just great. I am so happy for you two. Things like this remind me that the world is not all gloomy. Thank you for posting this. :slightly_smiling_face:

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Thank you for sharing this!

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I’m just writing here because I usually feel better after I write out what I’m feeling.

And it’s always a joy to see around. I’m glad writing helps, and that you feel safe enough to keep doing it here. :heart:

Your entire post is just… there’s no word to describe the beauty of how your husband reassured you. I’m so sorry that you felt that way and relived those memories though. It’s understandable that sex especially is a massive trigger, and it’s okay to be upset about it. I’ve been through times when the dam broke the exact same way, but once the storm passed it felt so good to realise that what was feared was not happening again, and that I was safe. It wasn’t just about releasing something anymore, but also changing the narrative.

I’m so very grateful for your husband for being such an anchor to you, especially during those times. You have been reminded of fundamental truths when you needed it. What an incredible mark of love, patience and genuine respect. And even if you couldn’t control it, there was also a special gift for him in the expression of your own vulnerability. You are really there for each other. You are stronger together.

I remember how scared you were about addressing these things with your husband, in your first posts. What a beautiful progress, @Hiraeth.

Thank you so much for sharing such an intimate yet beautiful part of your story with the community here.
It brings hope. :hrtlegolove:

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Thank you so much - It is really great to hear from you. I hope you are doing well. <3

I think I really am healing and getting stronger day by day. It has been a long and hard road but if I’m not mistaken, I finally see a light at the end of this dark tunnel. I would not have made it this far without the help and unconditional love of my husband, but it is also because of you and everyone here that has taken the time to lend their support, advice and kind words. I am forever grateful for the beautiful people in this community.

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From: Lisalovesfeathers (Discord)

Hi Friend, Thank you for your post, Its always a pleasure you read a positive and uplifting post and yours certainly uplifted me, it sounds like you and your husband have a wonderful relationship of love, trust and understanding and that is beautiful and I am so happy for you. Long may it continue. Much Love Lisa

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Hey @Hiraeth

I’m really glad you are able to have this support with your partner. It sounds like you have great support there at home. Thank you for sharing that experience with us. It’s ok to still struggle after going through something terrible and it really can be so relieving to give in to the tears and have a really intense cry.

Sounds like you have a really great partner that cares for you so well. I think this is a great example of people taking care of each other when the other one is not in the position to take care of themselves or needs that extra care to get through.

Take care/Mish

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From: twixremix (Discord)

hi hiraeth! i’m so thankful that you have a supportive husband and can also feel safe on this forum to share your thoughts. writing things out definitely helps me as well! thank you for sharing this story of love and support. it truly gives everyone an incredible reminder that everyone deserves as much love, safety, and acceptance as you and your husband have. i am proud of you for all you’ve gone through and conquered and can show others that a better tomorrow is achievable. i’m proud of you and appreciate you. sending all my best to you and your husband! love, twix

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From: eloquentpetrichor (Discord)

Hello, Hiraeth! Thank you for sharing this post! It is so heartwarming to read posts about people who have amazing and supportive people in their lives. I honestly think it is such an important thing that put out into the world so that people can see that you can find someone who will love, support, and take care of you through all of life’s struggles. Thank you for putting your story into the world and onto this forum :hrtlegolove: I’m glad you were finally able to cry after feeling blocked. I hope it helped you feel better and I’m glad you have such a supportive and caring husband. He sounds like a true partner. And he’s right that some things stay with us forever and there’s nothing we can do about it and that’s okay. Thank you again for sharing and I hope the toe feels better and you get well soon :hrtlegolove:

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Thank you so much! I am so thankful for this community for coming together to share in this positive moment with me.

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Thank you so much, friend. I really appreciate you and everyone here in this community that has helped me through the trauma that keeps resurfacing. You all are an amazing part of my healing process and I cannot thank you all enough. I hope to continue moving in the right direction and taking the steps to get better each and every day. With the help of my amazing partner as well as the heart support community, I have a very good feeling about the future for the first time in a long time. Thanks again <3

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I think I really am healing and getting stronger day by day. It has been a long and hard road but if I’m not mistaken, I finally see a light at the end of this dark tunnel.

You are. You really are. It’s a tough road, a very heartbreaking one at times. But oh man… there’s not enough words to express how beautiful it is to read this from you, and how vibrant is the light that you convey through your words. There’s a life ahead that has been waiting for you and you deserve SO MUCH to embrace it fully.

I believe in you. :hrtlegolove:

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I am really thankful for you. Your words of encouragement have really helped me beyond belief. I’m not great with words, but thank you! :heart:

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