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The Definition of Insanity

I don’t believe in myself and I have no support. I’ve been in horrible shape for years. I went to the concert last night and heard Tim mention this and I believe this is superior to complaining on Facebook.

I’m in a sad state of knowing I should be responsible and acting like an adult but I am in a seemingly neverending cycle of bad decisions, anger, resentments and my life is a mess. I’m not healthy, I barely have friends and I’m not sure how I’m surviving. I expect the world to “do it” for me…I expect the sky to s*** out some sort of favor.

I realize that if you want something, you’ll work for it…my problem is that I don’t want anything I want enough to work for it. I got money to get high and go to a concert but I don’t have a car, have to bum a ride and got barely any food in my cupboards. I’m about through asking myself why and I want to salvage what’s left of my miserable, pathetic existence and change into a better me. I have no clue how or where to start or how to let go of the past. I want to be happy. I want to enjoy a healthy life, with minimal bad habits and have people to be around on the holidays. I want what these other people all around me seem to have going on. I’ll gladly take any sort of feedback or direction.

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Sometimes changing our priorities helps a lot. You say you have money to get high and go to concerts but no way to get around.

Maybe getting high needs to be less of a focus right now and maybe changing direction to things that could be more fulfilling and beneficial in life. Like, what are some things you could do to help be more mobile? To maybe get a car if your own? Or a bus pass?

Maybe putting food in the cupboard should be more of a priority so that you can be healthy and well fed instead of high.

You want to enjoy and have a healthy life. Maybe now is a good time to consider going to meetings to help these bad habits or need to get high. To help you redirect to things that are healthy for you. What are some things that make you happy in life? What are some things you’d like to see yourself doing? What are some small reasonable and realistic goals you can set for yourself to achieve those things?

Maybe getting high and those bad habits are blinding you from the things you are passionate about.

What are some things that other people have that you don’t and want? You can have those things. You can build a healthy life for yourself and surround yourself with a healthy environment and people. It may be hard but you can do it!

And we are here to offer you encouragement and support along the way. Sometimes we just need to readjust our priorities and push ourselves outside of our comfort zones to get where we want to go.

It’s worth it.

Much love to you

  • Kitty
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Thank you. My priorities are pretty wrong and you’re correct about the blinding of being high. I “treat” whatever undiagnosed mental stuff I have going on with THC but that only temporarily eases the problem and diverts it. The car and driver licence us obtainable but I am 32 and have never had a licence and it seems like a mountain. The meetings comment is highly interesting because I accept parts of the AA Book philosophy, even though I don’t label myself as an alcoholic. I definitely can relate to the entire life has become unmanageable part and I like the sense of community that they appear to have. I like getting high and I will starve or screw my landlord or shut off a bill to get high and that seems like that is an insane problem that may seem easily to discard to many but it’s like saying goodbye to a friend for me. I just don’t envision a straight edge life because I currently don’t have anything or anyone that makes me reach for that type of existence. I appreciate this conversation and this forum already.

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I can understand not having the will or motivation to change due to not having anything or anyone to make you want to. I’ve been there. So I get that.

I finally got to the point where I was tired of feeling that way and wanted to change it. I was so unhappy and so miserable. But it took doing things out of my comfort zone that I wasn’t even sure if I was ready for. It’s scary.

You know, my friend. Should you decide to clean up and make a change, in that change you never know the kind of people and things you’d attract. Someone could come along that could change your life entirely. But how could you know if you don’t try?

It’s hard. When it feels like you have nothing to deeply care or motivate for. But we have to find it in ourselves to be the thing to fight for. Do it for you. Yourself. For your happiness. And all the things you robbing yourself of having by not making those changes.

I care for you friend. I don’t want to come off naggy or pushy. So I’ll leave it that. But I hope you’re able to find some peace and fulfillment in your life.

Much love

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I appreciate you taking the time to respond. Reading things like the above and hearing things I’ve already heard over and over helps. I’ve been taking.it one day at a time. I must live for me and not feel bad for doing so. I’m realizing that no one else is gonna live and do things for me and if I continue this way, I’ll continue getting the same results. Doing things that are uncomfortable makes sense. Quite a lot has been stealing my happiness and clouding my vision and some of the smoke has cleared. I’m afraid of the repeating cycle that i perceive is around the corner but I realize that even is an irrational fear/excuse not to do something. Reading books or hearing speeches is nice but actually having people in my life that are succeeding and trying to pull me up…now that’s a nice thought. One step at a time I guess.

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It definitely takes time and effort my friend and not always easy. But this is why you set small reasonable and realistic goals to achieve the bigger ones. One step at a time. It’s hard. Especially when maybe unhealthy things bring you comfort and set your mind at ease.

But you don’t have to do things alone. There are people who care and even can relate. You’re always welcome to come and share here as you need and talk about what you’re feeling and the things you are struggling with. No judgement.

There is light in all of the darkness. I hope you find a way to gather the strength and courage. And I hope to that you’re able to find people who remind you of how important you are. That you are worth fighting for.

Brett what you said is so honest. I can tell how sincere you are and honestly i think this was one of the hardest things to do. You were brave enough to actually be honest with yourself and feelings. Setting goals both small and larger i think are important. what can you change today and what will you work for in the future. Then everyday we just take steps towards those goals. I know that for me starting with making my bed, clean my house and working out helps me to feel like i CAN accomplish something. that way i can tackle a job or project or school. starting with good habit building begins with the small things. I can actually really relate to how you feel and i was in a similar place before as well. 1 thing is that you are a valuable person. right now right where you are you are valuable and you need to have grace and patience with yourself. 2 you are stronger then you and im very excited to see the changes you make for yourself going forward. take it as you will but i will be praying for your success, peace of mind and strength to do things when you might not have the motivation yourself. I think this revelation is a good sign you are ready to make those changes because it seems like you want it.

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Hey @Brett1987 we discussed your topic on the HeartSupport Twitch stream today! Here’s the live video response!

Hold Fast

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I completely feel you on the make bed, do chores type of thinking. I need lists and things like that. I appreciate your feedback for sure and look forward to continuing the conversation.

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I can’t wait to watch that once I’m no longer in a public place! Probably going to share it also. Really glad I went to that concert, the other day!!

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always here to support

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