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The emotional and mental struggle of it all - trying to remain strong

This whole thing with my sister is a mess.

For those who do not know and may need a little context. My sister battles with severe mental illness. To make it worse, its undiagnosed. Its suspected that she has schizophrenia on top of what illnesses already run in the family. She is also an addict of hard drug use.
Heroin. Meth. Etc. The two mixed (drugs and mental illness) do not mesh and have caused her to cycle in bad places to the point of just being a danger to herself. Without details of things that have been going on, we feel she is not able to make sound decisions for herself. Or to help herself. So we have been seeking out legal help to have her admitted and put her in a position of having to get help. We are very scared for her life and mental well being. The papers have recently been submitted to have her evaluated and admitted. We are just waiting for a response

So here’s what’s happening:

The hospitals up where they live are so over full there’s not a lot of room. So they are only taking the most severe cases. This however, doesn’t mean the judge won’t consider our request for help. But the mental health lady that called dad today did kinda give a layout of what could happen in the process of her being evaluated. In the end it’s possible she could get transferred to another location, held for a short time, evaluated, then released and be vulnerable on her own on the streets of another location. Thus being further away from dad and everyone she knows. This is not something that would be good for her in the slightest. Not in her current state.

In the same breath the lady also told dad that we are still enabling her. Providing his fifth wheel to her. Giving her that place to stay. Chopping and giving her firewood. It’s all enabling her. No, we don’t want her in the cold winter streets of Alaska. But by giving her a place to stay, we aren’t allowing her to be forced to go to the places and resources she’s been given. There is a women’s shelter she could go to. With programs. But she’s not going to do that as long as she knows dad will give her things. And at the same time, she also has a place to bring her drug contacts if she wants to. It gives her a place to get high.

This whole things is hard. Dad is struggling because he’s going to keep giving her that place. He’s going to keep taking her wood. He as her dad doesn’t want to enable her but he just can’t in his heart kick her to the snow to freeze.

The lady mentioned that dad should be also getting help. Therapy. Something to help work through this process. I tried to explain to him that I similarly felt that having someone we can talk to, whether it’s a support group, other families or a therapist would really help some of these really hard decisions we will have to face. It’s unfair that he has to face these emotions. And my sister will never get it in her head that she’s putting us, especially dad in an unfair position. It’s torture. I told him letting go of those emotions is a process. Accepting that we have to step back is a process. Knowing that it’s not out of neglect, abuse or lack of love. It’s because until she has nothing and nobody enabling her, she won’t make the decision to help herself and reach out to these resources. She needs to just dig this hole and figure it out on her own. It’s not easy to watch. Especially since she’s not really of stable mind. Sober or not.

Dad expressed that his brother goes in and out of this “Jesus” mode. Where he encourages love and patience. Not giving up and keep helping her. And I told him that sometimes love isn’t pretty. Sometimes love is tough. It’s ugly but sometimes necessary. My sister has kinda used up her gentle love and needs to experience some tough love. To her it’s going to feel like abandonment and neglect. To her it’s going to feel like we don’t care and we’re being mean. But if we don’t stop enabling her the cycle will keep going.

It’s shit. Because while she’s in her dark mind hating us for not being whatever it is she wants us to be, She’s dragging us around in the dirt. She has no idea.

What’s even harder is the lady said in order to help her with her mental illnesses which are very clearly there, She has to get through this drug abuse problem. They have to knock that problem out before they can start on the mental health aspect. In order to clearly differentiate them.

Anyway. It’s a mess. Dads stressed. I’m stressed. But I’m just trying my very best to support him. Love him. And also be very honest and forward. He’s trying his best. I’m not going to guilt him for that. But I try to gently remind him to find a way to work towards no longer aiding her how he does. Even if it means “okay, you can stay here till it warms up but then you have to figure it out. So start making plans” - then it’s up to her to decide to make good decisions. She won’t. But that’s for her to figure out.

He can’t do it for her. We can’t do it for her.

I hate this. Because I feel like a bully. But I know deep down it’s all true. I’m trying to be strong for my dad. I’m trying to be the voice of reason. And not let my emotions beat me over.

It’s all a lot to emotionally process and know if what you are doing is the right thing.

With all this said, I know there is still a lot of context missing in regards to her situation and mental health. Its just too much to write. I just needed to mind dump because it can be heavy to carry around alone. I know it’s messy. I’m not even sure if this is the right place for me to be talking about this.

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@DearKoyangi ,
Friend , This must be tough for your family because someone is struggling and its okay to struggle but we got to get back up and fight and i see your family is trying to help your sister the best you can and i 100% support what ever you and you family chooses .

WIth the schizophrenia , if its true , my ex’s father dealt with it , moments he would be fine then other times he wouldnt . He even moved out of state for awhile …

I hope you sister gets to feeling better soon and i hope she has a speedy recovery
.
hold fast Koyangi we love yo
-Ashley

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@DearKoyangi

I’m sorry you are going through this. I have a cousin who has schizophrenia, and now, he is in a refuge. I don’t know how he is doing, but I am praying to God. Give yourself grace. I just prayed for you. I hope this made your night. Thank you. Take care.

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@AVJR @all_around_ashley

Thanks friends. I appreciate you guys always being so supportive.

I hope that one day she finds healing and recovery so that we can build a relationship. We never got the chance to be close growing up due to our toxic upbringing. I had hoped in our adulthood that we could finally make decisions for ourselves and be closer. My greatest fear is losing her before we get that chance.

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