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Belongs to: What loss are you struggling with?
The loss of my life before motherhood. Don’t get me wrong, I wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember, but I am struggling and mourning my life before a child.
This makes completely sense. You can be absolutely grateful for how things are in the present, yet at the same time feeling like having missed out on the potential of what was. Grief can take many shapes and sometimes be about versions of our self that we cannot meet anymore, or at least not the same way. There is a before and an after, and it can be so challenging to compose with new life circumstances.
Motherhood is such a major shift in itself, and it surely takes time to feel and embrace such transition fully. I’m not a parent myself, but I’ve definitely been mourning past versions of me that I had to say goodbye to without necessarily realizing it. It’s hard when it comes with a huge sense of responsibility that ties you in the present. Somehow, it does feel like there are opportunities robbed away from you, and you must say goodbye to it.
Something very powerful in what you have shared though, is the recognition of this grief that you have been feeling. In it, there’s the potential to reconcile parts of who you were with your present. Of course not the same way, but at least intentionally, towards needs that this grief may reveal. What is your heart grieving when it comes to your life before a child? What are things that you feel like missing now, and could this be present in your life again but in a different way - one that comprehends the fact that you are a mom too? There is potential there to reconnect with yourself in ways that are profound and authentic. A challenge ahead that could be a beautiful invitation for you and feeling like finding yourself again - a new version with your own footprint. <3