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The numbness is real

I dont know what to do. I am trying but things dont help. I work I go to the gym, I play DnD I listen to music I like but still. Right now I am lying in bed. There are many reasons to feel something this evening. I could be excited for tomorrows DnD game. Or I could be happy that I received my paycheck today. I could feel worried about my future or I could be upset about all the bad shit that is happening around the world but no. I am just laying here numb and empty. Not sad, not happy, not angry, not upset, just empty, numb and a bit bored.

I tried to get some advice from the internet and most of what I got was advice like: “Go do the things you like.” “Listen to music.” “Drink a hot tea.” “Go and do some excercise.” “Be with your pet.” “Get some sleep.” atc. 1. I dont feel like doing the things I like because I am not capable of enjoying them right now. 2. I have been listening to music a lot lately. So much so that it has started to loose its appeal. 3. I have had a coffee and it was ok but it did not help. 4 I am literarly in pain from excercising yesterday in the gym. If i do any more i woulnt be able to move. 5. I am with my cat right now. It is nice but it does not help. 6. I am numb but not tired. It is a strange state when I dont feel like doing anything but I dont feel like sleeping either.

It is frustrating. I dont want to feel like this. Not even the pain from the excercise helps. It is just numbness. If anyone does know something that would help please respond. I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

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i used to check out some Binaural beats on youtube. not loud, just lower than regular music level. I’m into meditation and that sort of stuff. I love that these beats cut through the noise of the world and my brain and ground me. It may not be for everyone, but if you’re bored and feeling numb, why not give it a try? Please stop listening if it makes you feel ill or unwell!

This one makes me think of drifting through space, but not aimlessly, with a purpose, with a destination,

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Hi @Ashwell

“Chronic feelings of emptiness” is one of the nine traits for borderline personality disorder. I completely know what you’re going thru even up the boredom part. I feel empty inside 99% of the time. Even when I’m laughing.

They say that DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) and all the things you listed could help, but I agree with what you said about it not really helping. I don’t know why, but when I’m really, really down and nothing is working at all I go outside and sit in the sun and just let it wash over me. I try to stop thinking and just feel the sun and the breeze on my face. It brings me peace and comfort and however brief it might be, it gives me hope.

I don’t know if you’re in a place to do that, but try it if you can and maybe see if it helps.

I wish I could say something to make it go away, but know you’re not alone. :hrtlegolove:

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I love this! Thank you for sharing it!

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I cant really feel happy. Why? I had reasons to feel happy today. I didnt. I just lack any sort of… Idk. Meaning maybe. I feel like I do things i dont even want to do and I am going to do things that I dont care about doing. Example: My paycheck arrived. I didnt feel happy. I do not even know how to enjoy the money. I know I am going to save it or spent it on things I need. Even when I buy something for me, the excitement last for a little while and then it fades. Sometimes I just imagine having something for a while and then the excitement fades. Sometimes I feel bad for buying stuff because when I dont enjoy it I feel like I have wasted my money.

Another thing is that I just dont know where I am going… Well I know but I just dont care. I do the things I am supposed to do but where is… the good. I am just going through the motions. That is it. It seems to me like Life is just problemsolving with breaks, depressive episodes and occasional short exciting moment. And I dont think It will get better. Even now when my life is ok… I just… cant seem to find a good reason to go on except for the “you are supposed to live” and “It will hurt the people around you reasons”.

When I am at work I want to go home but when I get home I dont want to do anything. What is the point then. I just… I am confused and currently a bit sad. I cant seem to find a way out of this.

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it’s a personal question, you don’t have to answer, but I’d like you to think about it.

How does it feel to help other folks on here?
you have a lot of posts that show a lot of thought and effort went into them.

Does helping others, by sharing support and making sure they know they’re loved, make you feel anything? Is it all mental, by which I mean you don’t feel anything but your mind is satisfied that you helped?

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When I cant enjoy anything I try to help here. If my anhedonia and depression arent too bad I am here because it feels like the only thing that has any value. Some of you guys here somehow seem more real that some of the people I know. When my depression and anhedonia are too bad I am not responding that much because I am tired and I dont want to be disingenuous. I am glad when people here get better and I am sad when they get worse. I like being here. I like the people here and I like helping you but it tires me.

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Hi.
Quick rant: Guess who got sick today. Its me :face_with_thermometer:. Well my body feels like crap now and I cant go to work which sucks. Ahhhhhhh…

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Hi @Ashwell

We posted your (condensed) topic to our IRL Support Wall down here in Houston at a mental health awareness event, and asked people to support you. Here is what they wrote, and we hope the support helps!

  • John

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Hi @Ashwell

We posted your (condensed) topic to our IRL Support Wall down here in Houston at a mental health awareness event, and asked people to support you. Here is what they wrote, and we hope the support helps!

  • John

Uploading: IMG_6175.JPG…

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