The Pain of Regret

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Everyone always says, don’t regret anything, but heck I’ll be honest with you guys I regret a lot. I regret a lot not because I hurt myself in the process, but mostly because I hurt others.

I regret a lot with my parents. I regret that I wasn’t a better kid, I regret that I didn’t just go with what they said, I regret that I didn’t just take the abuse and tried to stand up for myself.

I regret my relationships. I regret leaving my abusive ex boyfriend. He’s probably the best thing that ever happened to me. I regret pushing people away along the way.

I regret my addictions. I regret that first night I took the pills. I regret the first night I watched porn. And I regret the first night I held that blade to my arm.

I regret every suicide attempt. I regret every person I hurt in the process. I regret some days that chickened out, because then I would have never had to hurt anyone else again.

So to those I’ve hurt, I regret it. To those I’ve pushed away, I regret it.

Now all I can do is say that I’m sorry, and hope that maybe just maybe I’ll wake up and this will all just be a nightmare rather then a story I’m not proud of.

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Hey, thanks for employing it means a lot but now it’s my turn to say something❤️. Regret is what makes us feel worse about a situation that has made feel embarrassed, ashamed or sad but regretting it means you have to suffer twice.

Though I know where your coming from there is plenty I’ve regretted and still regret. I think apart of our regrets are ourselves feeling guilty about instances or events or even people which is totally outside our control, but we would rather blame ourselves then others.

I know I regret not being more in life, making my parents proud or taking opportunities that I should’ve but sometimes there are things that we regret but are things that we have to do even if it kills us inside. You just have to make peace with your own actions or know you did them for the right reasons and maybe you did something stupid or you made someone you love hurt but no ones perfect and we all have are and will make mistakes. You just have to remember to forgive yourself.

I hope I’ve helped. :kissing_heart:

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One of the great things about dreams/nightmares is when you realize that it’s all a bad dream you have nothing to worry about. Sometimes it takes minutes, sometimes it takes years. Proud of you for overcoming this stuff. You’re important, loved, and wanted here. Hold your chin up, my dude. You got this.

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The bad thing is it’s not a nightmare. It’s all a reality. And I just feel stuck in my pain. There’s literal nothing I can do right now.

I’ve asked for apologies where I could but people don’t want to accept it. And it’s hard. I know that there’s nothing I can do. But I want my friends back.

I’ve literally completed isolated myself, and in all reality it’s my fault. But that just makes me hate myself more.

Honestly the pain is too much and I’m drowning. And I have nothing worth floating for at this point. I’m just ready to give up.

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Let me tell you right now that hating yourself serves no other purpose than to rob yourself of what good you have both found and created.

I am like you in the sense that I am no stranger to hardship. I too, often suffer depressive episodes, I’m riddled to the core with anxiety, and I have an understanding of agony that would render most others unable to cope with existence as a whole.

But from my agony, I have learned that one must be willing to forgive themselves for their misdeeds, their shortcomings, and the wounds they have inflicted upon another.

You did what you had to do because it’s what you needed to survive. Looking back now, you are ashamed of who you were. But who you were does not equate to who you are now.

You are different now, the proof of that resides in the message you left here for us to read, you can acknowledge your sins, and you wish to atone for the damages caused by bitter action.

I know nothing of you, but what I do know is that the hardest battles we fight come from within, the mind is both our best friend, and our worst enemy. My challenge to you, and to all who would read this, is in suffering find solace in a better future.

You cannot change what happened, the only thing you can do is change tomorrow and what it might bring.

Be brave, meet their disdain and their anger with an understanding that their decisions are their own to make, and if their opinions of you do not serve you for the better, accept their judgement and move on. Now is the only time for you to stand on your own two feet, to make good on promises made to both self and other, and show the world around you that you are made of something far stronger than wood or steel, and that even through the darkest of times, you will yet persist.

Forgive yourself for your transgressions, and move forward with the determination to make sure they don’t happen again.

Let go of your past, do not allow it to hold power over you any longer. Believe in yourself enough to allow your real strength to shine through. Go forth into the great unknown with higher Hope’s for yourself, and do not let the opinions of others have power over your own identification of self.

You are who you want to be; and we forge our own fates.

So take back what’s yours. Forgive yourself. Forgive everyone who ever hurt you and let you down. Choose to love the pain, choose to love all those horrible experiences, and accept them for what are to you. You are okay. you are going to be okay. Deep down you know you owe yourself that at the very least.

Please do not give up or give in. If not for yourself, then do it for me. I know your pain, I know you are strong enough to choose to live. I know you can endure.

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I have a lot of things in my life too that I can feel a regret for. A lot of hurt. A lot of pain. Towards myself and others. I’ve made a lot of decisions I’m not proud of in my life. They get to me.

But girl, we can’t change any of those things. We can’t undo them. So all we can do is learn to forgive ourselves and try to do better. If we truly carry so much regret then we need to find ways to fight for ourselves so that we can prevent the same regrets from happening again.

If you carry that regret, ask yourself what you can do to make it better. What can you do to avoid those things again in the future. What can you do to help yourself be a healthier version of you? These are questions I had to seriously ask myself. Because things were not going well for me. I felt like shit. I was trapped in a vicious cycle and eventually I got so tired of living that way.

What are some things you’d like to see yourself doing? What are some things that you’d like to achieve? Ideally, what are some things you want for yourself and your life? What do you hope for in your relationships?

What things out of the things you want and hope for do you have control over and what things do you not? Focus on the things you CAN control and try not to stress what you can’t. Set small goals for yourself. Small realistic goals. One day at a time.

I believe in you. I have faith in you. I love you my friend.

  • Kitty
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A few questions:
Are you going to therapy? Are you going to NA meetings? Have you been doing the things that are suggested in ReWrite?

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Hey @Monkey. I understand you. If I had just said something to my mom or sister, my whole childhood wouldn’t have gone by in a year. It’s okay to feel regret. If your heart can still hurt with regret, it means it still works. You’re still here. We’re all human and we all make mistakes and regret them. We can learn from them, and try to move on. You’ve still got a future, whatever your past may be. And no one but you can set you limitations.

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@Monkey
The truth is it’s okay to have regrets. I have a few of my own to tell you the truth. Everyday I regret being disrespectful to my parents. I regret shutting friends out who only tried to help. I regret not reaching out to more people about my illness. And I regret not being more sociable. But that doesn’t mean I can’t look forward to the things that are ahead of me. Trust me I’ve got more regrets to come I’m not finished living this life yet. Hang in there you’re going to be okay trust me.