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There is a weight on me

in my previous posts i talked about my dad being an alcoholic and it affecting me. on Monday we had a big argument because i forgot my sleep medication at my boyfriends house. I got picked up by my friend and i went back to my boyfriends house for 2 days before I came back home. When i was leaving the house he said he was going to overdose (he has never touched any drugs before) and that he will leave. He sent me a barrage of horrible messages saying i left him and that he’s packing his stuff. I got home yesterday because i need to do school work and i ordered a printer. I have not been the same. I don’t have the will to eat, i don’t have an appetite. I don’t really have any emotions and I’m dissociating. I sleep longer and i am slow like something is holding me down.

This has happened to me before with different truama. I don’t really want to be here and my dad makes me nervous. I keep feeling like he’s mad at me when he says he’s not. He still drinks and stuff. I’m just not doing very well mentally and I have thought about admitting myself to the hospital but I can’t because I have to pay rent.

I just need to be somewhere I don’t feel trapped, I need a vacation or something. I don’t know how long this feeling will last.

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I understand. That’s really all I can say. :frowning_face: I can’t really help, all I do is understand. I know my understanding isn’t enough for you.

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