In middleschool a friend of mine had told me her dad was a pedophile and was in possession of child porn. She and her sister and mom had to run to Canada while he was being tracked. I was the only person besides her cousin that she told about it, I was as supportive as I could be as a middleschooler. It has been many years since then and my mom told me that there was a news article about it. I looked it up, thinking that I knew all there was to know. But nope, he did more than that. Apparently her dad had recorded her (my friend) while she was asleep multiple times and bought lingerie and sex toys planning that my friend and her younger sister would eventually use them after time of being groomed. It is a miracle that my friends mom found this out before he could do any of that. Looking back at our conversations while she was going through all of this I just wish I was there for her more. I should have taken it more seriously. We were extremely close after that but have since grown apart. I want to say something to her about it but its been too long. I want to apologize for how I treated the situation. I dont know if we’re friends anymore though, she tells me she misses me but only in response when I say I miss her. I want to believe she means it, but every time we arrange something she flakes. I mean it when I say I miss her, just thinking about our friendship being gone turns me into a crying mess. I love and miss her so much but I dont know if she really realizes that. She was the one I could really talk to when I was feeling down and I would help her when she was having a hard time. I love her so much, but I dont know if she’s still here with me. I already lost one best friend, but this time it really hurts. My other friend was horrible and talked about me behind my back constantly. (My “current” best friend) was one of the only constants in my life. But now everything is spiraling. I miss her so much.
Thank you so much for sharing all of this. I agree with Tara: you were so young, and there’s not much you could have done for what was going one at their home. Even if you knew something was wrong, you couldn’t guess how bad it was unless your friend would have talked to you. It wasn’t her fault either. What happened was dramatic and too much to handle when you’re just a kid.
It sounds that you really love her and care about her, which makes me think that you were more than likely a wonderful friend to her when she needed it. You didn’t need to know, in details, what was going on to be a supportive and caring presence. And when you are betrayed and abused by someone who was supposed to protect you, like it happened to your friend, then having people who care, people you can smile with, is incredibly precious. Don’t underestimate the good memories you have together, and this special bond that your friendship initiated.
Unfortunately, it’s true that once we grow up, we tend to be more distant with our school friends. In your case, your friend also had to move somewhere else, so the physical distance doesn’t help. Maybe just let her know that the door is open. Or invite her to a voice call in times to come? Without pressuring her or forcing anything. Just to send a friendly invitation and show that you care. Eventually, she’ll respond to you, but in any case the decision will be hers.
You are a good friend to her, Blumbus. It is obvious through your message that you genuinely care. I really hope that you and her will find a way to reconnect in times to come. Take care of yourself as well.
