I used to frequent this site a lot more when I was 14. I’m 17 now and things have been… hectic to say the least. I’m pretty sure no one will remember my account, since it’s been so long since I’ve used this site, but I figured I’d post a little status update anyways. Just to talk about progress and setbacks.
I think I posted a few times during my sophomore year. I don’t remember much, but what I do remember is that I was miserable. I had a very long psychotic episode, had a severe self-harm addiction that ended up causing nerve damage, and an eating disorder. It was a bad year. I would wake up on some days so exhausted from not eating, or come back home and find out I ended up bleeding through my clothes during the day. On top of all of this the house was unclean and I ended up calling CPS in a panic. That just added to the stress.
It was bad. I really don’t remember much of it. I’m aware things happened, but I don’t remember much at all.
Then Junior year started. At first, it was bad. I mean really bad. I was considering admitting myself to the hospital because I felt unsafe with myself. I was in an abusive relationship with someone, and I had just found out some pretty serious things about my past. I was very dissociated most of the time. It wasn’t good. Once I left that relationship though, things got a lot better. I mean, a lot.
My therapist recognized that it’s very likely I have DID, and while I’m not grateful I have it, I’m grateful it’s finally recognized. I’m on a waitlist to see a psychiatrist and get a psych evaluation. I haven’t been super depressed in a while. I have bad days and weeks of course, but nothing to the point of wanting to hurt myself. I have a wonderful partner who I love more than anything who makes me feel safe, and things are good. School is hard, I’m in multiple AP classes, but it’s good.
I’m finally starting to recover.