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This is hard

Hi everyone.

As a little forward, I’ve always had issues when it comes to enforcing healthy boundaries, and so I have been putting a lot of work into learning that it is ok to do what is best for me and my family when it comes to extending myself to to help others. I’ve been doing pretty well so far I think.

One thing that continues to be difficult for me is the ever tumultuous relationship between myself and my brother. We both grew up subjected to abuse and have walked very different paths but have always been there for each other.

Now he has found himself in a situation where he could potentially lose everything due to a decision he made a handful of months ago, and while I feel for him, the logical part of my brain knows that there are choices he can make that would very quickly remedy the situation.

I know he feels alone and depressed, but I have helped him time and time again and I have told him how I would fix the situation, but at some point I need to stop dealing with his consequences for him. I know I am doing whats best for me and that I’ve done more than my fair share to try to keep in on his feet the past few months and have been met with not-so-passive aggressive behavior and repeated queries to borrow money.

It sucks because I’ve been in this exact situation so I know where he’s coming from but I can’t keep bailing him out.

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I think it’s ok for you to take a break from your brother’s problems and focus on yourself. My sister and I are two years apart (I’m the older sister), and COVID has been incredibly difficult for her to deal with. In order for her to work on being a great mother & wife to those she physically lives with, she’s had to take a break from being a sister. I can’t fault her for taking care of herself first because in the wise words of Dr Phil- You can’t give what you don’t have! If the relationship is as valuable to him as it is to you, then your brother should respect that you have to take care of yourself.
-sending love from one sibling to another :sparkling_heart:

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Thank you for this, I think you’re totally right. Thanks for the encouragement.

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