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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Alice in Chains Nutshell
This is my goodbye song… I lost my oldest daughter 3 years ago … and I just feel stuck
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I’m so sorry for you loss, my friend. Grief is one of those things where as much as it feels like it shrinks, the hurt is still very real and very raw. One of the best ways someone has described grief to me is that it is a ball bouncing around in a box, every so often hitting a button that triggers the feeling of hurt. As time goes on, the ball gets smaller and smaller. Even though the ball shrinks, it is still able to hit the button at any time, and we feel like we’re back to square one, stuck in our grief and the feeling of emptiness.
The process of grieving looks different for everyone. Some people are able to keep living their life and push it all down, processing it internally. Some of us take a long time to fully come to terms with it and be able to go back to the new normal. In all of these situations, there is no right and wrong ways to go about feeling grief. We can be told that there are five stages, denial, bargaining, depression, etc., but this is not the case for everyone.
I know how frustrating it can be to feel stuck and not able to move from it. Sometimes when we feel this sensation of being stuck, it means that we’re still processing and still readying ourselves for the next chapter. There is no rush or somewhere else that you should be in your journey right now.
You are not a failure, you are valuable and loved. This cloud of grief is thick and dark, but it does not change the worth of the person that you are. You do not have to go through this process alone nor do you have to rush it.
I am here for you my friend, you are loved and you are very valuable. You are always more than welcome to reach out again if want to talk further. Know that you are loved, I am here for you <3
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Hi friend,
I hear that you are experiencing a deep grief and loss and feeling stuck-- feeling so stuck you want to say goodbye and end it all perhaps. I want to offer condolences for the loss of your daughter 3 years ago. No parent should ever have to go through losing a child, I can imagine it is utterly devastating. The child you poured your heart and soul into is now gone, leaving you wondering why you’re here and they’re not. That would feel like survivor’s guilt and bring up questions like: well, why am I still here? what is the purpose of my life? what is my value or purpose? Is there any significance? Maybe some of these questions fill your mind, or maybe your pain stems from various other sources.
The emotional waves that hit you while grieving could be enough to want to end it-- but just like waves crashing and receding, there is a stronger moment and a receding. The ache that grief brings of an irreplaceable hole being left in your heart-- that may be constant. For each of these, whether the wave or the ache-- there is space for it all-- your whole experience. Pain can be beautiful when we learn from it and ask what it is teaching us. While loss is awful, it can bring so many lessons. Whatever that is for you, I hope that this journey brings you to everything it’s meant to be. I will be praying for you. I will be praying that the pain turns into purpose and the heartache into honor for your daughter’s loss. As I stand in this grief with you, I hope you feel a comfort and peace. Thank you for reaching out to HeartSupport! <3