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This is the End


#1

Call this attention seeking… call this selfish but I’m done! I’m over it. And I just can’t do it anymore! Nothing can feel this void that’s been haunting me for the last several months. The best way I can sum up these ways that I’m feeling is that I’m just not safe anywhere! This anxiety and my past relationship is eating me alive, and I have no reason to continue a fight and a battle that i can’t win. He won… my ex won… and that’s all he wanted. He’s gone but yet still controls me. Sure it seems simple enough to block him, but when he makes new accounts to contact me there’s nothing I can do!

I’m done and I’m tired. I’ve distanced myself from everyone for two reasons! So I don’t hurt you and so you don’t hurt me. I have no worth or reasoning on this earth and I’m over it. This is a community that I love so much, but I hope the people who come after me will be impacted as greatly as I am and once was.

I wish I could have listened and believed the words I’ve heard in this community and not the lies my ex have fed me for so long. The lies that I replay in my head over and over and over again… and I just sit here wondering, when will I ever be good enough. This void in my life can’t be filled. I’ve tried… drugs, sleeping around, relationships, pills, self harm, working out… nothing… nothing will fill this void. So i give up on trying.

Hold Fast… You’re worth it…

Sullyandboo


#2

@sullyandboo,

Don’t give up. I know at times people can suck (and sometimes that doesn’t even some it up). Don’t let your ex win - “the best revenge is to live a full and happy life without them.”

I know it is hard to believe something that someone says but you are worth so much and are so deeply loved. It’s hard right now but it can change - even if nothing seems to be working right now…

Stay strong, you have so much waiting for you in life, to give and to receive.

With Love,
Michelle


#3

I so wish you weren’t going through all that…

The lies he planted were clearly harmful, and they still hurt, and don’t simply go away. it can take a long time not feeding them and making space for positivity to fully get rid of them, but it will happen.

Hold fast, we’re with you.


#4

Yes it is. Nothing you do is going to fill that void. It will remain. There will always be a void.

I myself have trust issues. It is my void. It harms me, consumes me and leaves me empty. I developed a binge eating order because of it. (I’m dealing with it right now) It doesn’t go away. It is why I’m single & only had 3 relationships my entire life so far (and most likely the rest of it) It is why I can like someone, but I have a hard understanding what love is. I can’t love because I don’t know love.

It doesn’t go away. Not by friends, family, lovers or by itself. The void remains. It is relentless and a bottomless pit.

Yet… You have a few bottomless pits as well. Patience, Endurance, Strength, Tenacity, Understanding & Experience. Use these as tools to cope with the bottomless pit that assails you.