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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Alice in Chains Nutshell
This is the first song I ever cried too, and I did so with my mom who was battling addiction at the time, and has for most of her life…and even still to this day albeit not heroin, but opiate blockers as management (about 6 years clean, thankfully). It was probably about 04’-05’. We had just lost my grandmother, (her mom) and she spiraled into full swing addiction phase, and I got to see it all as a pre-teen while grieving my grandma, the glue in our family.
I didn’t even understand the words much back then, but I felt the song, and I also felt it through my mom. It was a horrible time in my life (and my sister), especially looking back as an adult and seeing how it affects me everyday. I ended up with my own vices, not so much of hard drugs (although I’ve tried most of it, and had some binges)… but things I have actively struggled to manage for many years and sometimes find myself landing back here to this video and I’m not quite sure why I tear up every time. Is it because of the memories associated?, The fear of becoming a product of my environment with family of addicts, on both sides?, or seeing in layne what I saw in my mom, and sometimes my self.
I actively fought against that part of my life and everyone in it, just about…and started one of my own. I have an amazing girlfriend, and two kids (not biological) but they call me dad, I call them my daughters. I’m in a comfortable house, one I wish I grew up in. I’ve learned to love and create music, and I’ve passed it on to them and continue to do so. I’m in a very stable place and have been for years although I do fight with myself a bit, and more so than I’m leading on. I started reaching out more, especially to my girlfriend.
I know I’m one of the few in my family to live the life that I do. I have unconditional love and comfort, and I even get to relive a better childhood through my girls. It’s just a struggle sometimes lookin back to those moments, which seems to happen more than I’d like. I loved the video though, and your advice. Thanks so much for the work you guys put into this channel.