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This post is gross and the guilt is overwhelming


#1

I had sinus surgery the day before Thanksgiving which went pretty well. I knew that I would be sleeping and in pain for a couple of days but I had no idea what was to come. On Sunday, I woke up vomiting which was pretty bad considering I just had surgery. I didnt think much of it bc believe it or not this is kinda normal. It continues into Monday with a fever also. I had an appt with the surgeon on Tuesday and she gave me a phenergan injection and some nausea meds. I felt better for about a half a day. And then Wednesday I woke up vomiting again with fever and an extreme amount of pain from head to toe. I pushed through and made myself go to work, which I didnt stay very long. I drove home crying bc I hurt everywhere so bad. I crawled in bed with my vomit bag (which I have been carrying around for a few days). I literally passed out. My boyfriend came home about 3 hours later. He shook me to wake me up and apparently was concerned bc I looked so terrible. He called my doc and she said go to the hospital. Sooo I cried the whole way to the hospital bc of the pain. When I wasnt crying I was vomiting. He dropped me off to go park the car. I couldn’t even walk 10 feet without passing out. I was taken back immediately and hooked up to ivs. I was having an allergic reaction to my post surgery meds. My body was shutting down. My fever was 103. My blood pressure was 80/40. The doctors are convinced that if I wouldn’t have been found when I was I may not have woke up so easily. I was diagnosed with anaphylaxis. I was in the hospital for almost a day and given 3 to 4hours worth of ivs of different fluids and meds to flush out the poison meds. I slept for about 14 hours into the next day and was able to rest a few more days. I am pretty thankful to be able to share this story right now.
The main reason I am sharing this story is bc I have fundraised with heartsupport the past couple of years now and I missed one of the most important fundraising events ever!! The entire time heartsupport was fundraising for all this amazing stuff for 2019, I was so incredibly sick. Which should be understandable that I missed helping out with this event. An excuse, a reason. But yet, that doesn’t matter. All I can focus on is the guilt I have about missing this huge week. The guilt is so overwhelming that my chest hurts. I am so beyond proud of all of my heartsupport family for raising soo much money!! I really wish I could’ve been a part of it! I am so sorry to have missed this year. Especially if I let any of you down, I really didn’t want to.

Love yall!
Charrabeans


#2

I absolve you of your guilt. You were seriously ill and needed to be hospitalized. I would have a hard time participating in online communities too. The main event has concluded, yes, but that doesn’t mean that you have to stop helping out. What, are you going to contact them to help out and they’ll reply “sorry the fundraising drive is over, we don’t need your help, go away”? I can’t speak for HeartSupport staff, but I don’t think that’s the reply you’ll get from anyone. There will also be fundraising events in the future that you can help out with.

Also hi, nice to meet you! I’m dit2 (Natalie) and I watch the streams and post links to suicide hotlines here and tell trans people they’re beautiful.


#3

Thank you natalie! Nice to meet you. Thank you for reading my post and your kind words. It means alot.