This really sucks

I need to vent because I have no one to talk to right now and I’m ignoring my partner because he inadvertently caused this

I had a really bad night last night, in regards to my depression. My partner made it worse because he spends all his time in the garage and he didn’t come upstairs until it was time for bed. He usually does that, which doesn’t help my issues with always feeling alone, because I am and I am lonely. I have talked to him about this probably a dozen times and its still an issue.

So I was taking a bath to try and improve my mood to some degree and he came upstairs and started pestering me and wanting to spend time with me, now that I had secluded myself. I told him off because I was watching a video and he was talking over it.

So after I got out and went to bed, he kept ignoring me. Not acknowledging me or even coming into the bedroom. When I asked him why he was ignoring me he got all snide with me and said “hurts doesn’t it? That’s how I felt when you yelled at me just because you were watching a video”. Of course my mood was already really really bad so then I couldn’t stop crying and he didn’t even bother to check and see if I was okay. So then he tried to be all cuddly/smothering and I shoved him off. It was super suffocating and he still hadn’t even asked me why I was crying.

I woke up this morning with swollen eyes and feeling like garbage and he finally asked me if I was okay because “you don’t look okay”. Like wtf, now you ask??? I told him that I wasn’t feeling well (which is true) and I didn’t sleep well (also true). Now he keeps texting me to ask if i am feeling better and then enlisted the help of a mutual friend because i wasn’t reading any of his messages and now he was worried.

It just makes me so angry that he does this. Completely ignores me most of the time and only pays attention to me having problems when I start lashing out and ignoring him.

It’s like the only time I have someone who cares about me is when they have caused me so much mental and emotional anguish that I can’t even control my anger anymore. And then he makes me feel like shit for getting upset and I can’t even talk to him about it because he will just give me empty promises about changing or start telling me about all the things I do that bother him.

I’m so upset but I can’t even talk to him about it anymore

I’m sorry you’re going through this. Well done for reaching out but I think talking to your partner in a civil way is the way to go about this. Keep reaching out here, keep venting as much as you need. You can get through this. If you haven’t, look into the Truth audios on the HeartSupport app, I believe there is audio on there about relationship. also, look at Dwarf Planet as well, it could really help you with your depression. You got this.

Hold Fast

I dunno if you read what I posted properly. I have talked to him. Probably a dozen times or more. We have been together almost 9 years and it’s been a constant battle to get him to change his toxic habits. I keep trying to get him to understand and empathize and I am just talking to the void for how much of a difference it has made.

I did read what you wrote. But you can’t just keep ignoring him, you need to talk to him about getting out or staying with him. You need to do what’s healthy for you

Hold Fast