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Belongs to: Sleep Token - Ascensionism - Therapist Reacts
This song almost precisely talks to me about all my relationships. I have always been a healer or stepping stone for someone to become either better people or find the right person. Never feels like I have been the right one for them. Love this song
Thank you so much for sharing this here, friend. It is so hard when it feels like you are present to the people you care about, that you outpour so much of yourself, of your soul and heart, that you really see them as they are when they need it the most… but to feel at the same time that the role you had in their life was only a stepping stone for them to get better or find someone else. It feels like somehow you are never seen in return, as people would only acknowledge in you what they want to see, what they need to find at a given time. It feels like being used somehow. Even if you offer your presence and time genuinely, without any expectation, it’s still understandable to feel the pain of never being chosen for who you are. We all want to feel like we belong and to see it reflected in the eyes of someone we love.
What you decribe, this cycle and the sense of doom that comes with it, is something I have personally felt a lot in my life, throughout the years. Sometimes it was because I had no boundary at all while being there for others, so I contributed to condition my presence and worth to what I was offering or doing for others. Sometimes it was due to the inability of others to consider relationships beyond their own struggles, and to see people for who they are instead of what they can give.
It’s hard when you are in this position of the “healer” because it is a meaningful role, one that gives purpose too. It literally drives you! If it’s part of who you are, of what resonates with you, of the way you are present to the world – somehow it’s beautiful. But at the same time, it’s so exhausting when it seems to become a trap that you end up stuck in over and over. When people in your life only see you through the lens of that specific role. It feels like it becomes everything you are at a given moment - but also the only way for some people to actually see you.
So hard to feel like you are stuck in an equation where being “useful” gives you a sense of belonging and connection with people around you, and that if you don’t it would feel like disappearing, remaining unnoticed… and utterly alone. Hard to feel like there is no possibility to win in this situation, as being seen only on the surface also hurts so very deeply. It brings this extra-layer of feeling unknown while you thought you finally were…
There is no doubt that you have brought a lot of value and beauty in the life of these people that you mention here. I’m sorry that they didn’t stop for longer to start seeing you once they were getting better. Through all these interactions that you had, and despite the result, I can assure you that you belong, and you are worthy of love just as you are - not because of what you do or say. You matter very much, and for what is worth, I see you. 