This song has been my personal favorite song of al

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Belongs to: Therapist gets Down With The Sickness by Disturbed (FIRST TIME REACTION)
This song has been my personal favorite song of all time, from my personal fav band of all time, since I was 13. The only nob symphony concerts I’ve ever been to. All this without even thinking about any kind of meaning to it. At the time of this, I’m 4mnths into a post break up of a 1-year relationship. 3 months since I attempted unaliving myself, because of it.

In March, her dad had been placed in hospice lung cancer 6 months to live. The night before, she left. She had talked about letting our lease end and moving back to her hometown to help. I had some issues about her hometown and freaked out a bit. She left the next day, no word, no notice. I only knew cause I came home to talk to her at lunch, and by then 4 hours and she was gone. Five days later, her dad died. She called to tell me, then the next day blocked and ghosted me on everything.

Month later, of no contact, I had enough and drove down there to check up on her. We spent an hour talking, catching up. She was pulled away and distant. 2 was later we scheduled a meet-up, and I brought her mail. It felt like then, she was gone. The woman I loved wasn’t this woman before me. She kept me away and didn’t let me support her in her time of need. She was gone, checked out.

Another 2 weeks later into may, and one week before my bday. I had started a new job, more money to take out an expensive apt without her support. My car broke down, and I was stranded.

Scared of losing my job, car, apartment, and fear of having lost her. I tried to call, but that’s when I learned I had been blocked, so I used *67 and a masking app, called gee least 6x and left some panicked emails. Then, 2 days later the I’m ending this and not coming back to email. I was so ashamed immediately the day I called and felt such guilt. I wanted to end my own life cause I went crazy for an instant. I have to live with that pain, shame and guilt of it all everyday.

Distrubed has always been my sad go to, and comfort in knowing how they are serious about suicide prevention. I still can’t accept what I did, or her being gone… let alone forgive myself for it all.

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Hi :wave:

First, going through all of this sounds painful to hear and i heard this song since i was a teenager in high school but it also a song that helped during a rejected time where i was told no to a relationship which is honestly heartbreaking. But, even after all this we have to continue pressing on. I recently became a heartsupport volenteer and heartsupport is really a great atmosphere to be in and is always here to be a beacon where you can share your thoughts. Now, from your experiences with this that this person just decided to leave everything behind was really one sided for her and she was not likely deciding what would right choice in the relationships. But you definitely fought through a struggle of things and should be proud of what you did get through. Definitely don’t feel like guilty for the situations that happened on here end nor do you have to be sorry for it. Sometimes relationships don’t fit and it okay but don’t beat up yourself to much for this you were just trying to figure out what was wrong and you did what you can in the end.

There are so many dynamics that come into losing a relationship. It’s not just a loss of love, it’s a loss of their presence, a loss of time spent together, a loss of the future, a loss of what was built between you.
It’s painful and sometimes when dealing with loss of relationship and loss of family, it can drive people to isolation. It makes it hard when you want to be a support and want to stand by someone’s side when they are hurting.

Having all this grief, the shock of it happening so suddenly, is something that many people would find such a hard thing to try to rationalise. Because how can we rationalise something that hasn’t been thought out and planned? Our minds are a blur, our thoughts are a blur and it makes sense that at the end of losing a relationship, feeling financially vulnerable and feeling like the world is caving, that these thoughts jump at you.

I’m so glad you’re here to share your experience and your heart. Music is such a connecting and powerful tool. It’s like this realisation that somewhere in the world there are others who feel those same things and have come through the other side. Who stand by your side and journey through with you without even knowing.

I hope that sharing here will bring you some comfort that there are those here who see you and hear you.

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That sounds so rough. I feel for you. Sending you some love. You really seem to be aware of how chaotic your life was. Hopefully now things have calmed down a bit add both you and your ex can get some peace. Maybe after some healing you can offer again to reconnect. For now, keep your head up and be gentle with yourself. Reaching out for help and posting here is a good healthy step. Thank you for that.
Satty

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Thank you so much for reaching out and being completely open and honest about this particular situation and all that has led up to this moment. We are all human and with that comes emotional reactions to things that we are dealing with. I can’t count the number of times that I reacted wrongly and felt guilty about it. What im hearing is that you realized that you could have reacted differently and thats important to note. When we ise those moments to take a look at ourselves and vow to become better, that shows what a truly caring person you are. It sucks when the timing of life turns out to not be in our favor, but understand that people grow and sometimes they grow apart. It sucks, but dont let that get you down. Use every opportunity to grow. Who knows, there may be a time that you two have an opportunity to speak again and you can show that you realize you could have said things or reacted differently and that growth and honesty can be seen. Dont give up on yourself, you are a good person and I know that by your admitting that you learned something from this time apart.

With love

Eric

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hey friend,

thank you so much for being here and trusting this community with what weighs heavy on your heart. i’m so glad you are here today to share your story and for fighting hard to make it to this moment. it’s understandable how a large move to a hometown you have issues with could have been jarring for you and caused that reaction. the timing with her dad’s hospice transition and sudden passing must have been so difficult so all around, it was a stressful time for everyone. that pain, shame, and guilt you hold on your shoulders is no doubt overwhelming. i believe in your healing journey to know that you can grow and fight for a brighter tomorrow. you deserve all good things this world has to offer and nothing could make that untrue. you were stuck in such a chilling moment with fears of great loss and when we find ourselves in that spot, we do things we wouldn’t normally do. her decision to block was in her control but you have the control and power to learn, grow, and thrive. i believe in you fully and unconditionally. wishing you all the best in your journey, my friend. you got this.

love,
twix

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Hi there friend!

Thank you so much for positing and for being so open and honest with us. Relationships can be so hard. Loss can be so hard. Sometimes coming to terms with our new realities can be really hard. Life is such a tricky thing that we have to navigate each and every day.
You have been through so much in the past several months. You have been thrown a bunch of curveballs, taken on new opportunities, and some new obligations. You’ve been through the ringer. NO ONE is perfect. We are all human. You are doing the best you can to navigate life.I know you are living with intense feelings of guilt, pain, and shame. But what you did wasn’t malicious. You are not a bad person. We all react to things in ways we wish we wouldn’t have. You are moving forward, learning from your mistakes and will be a better version of yourself. Please have some grace for yourself. You deserve it. And it will get better over time. We are here for you.

much love, blake

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@HeartSupport 5 months since she disappeared. I tried to call, txt, and email two weeks ago, and nothing. It’s been difficult, trying to find answers in meaning in things I would’ve never considered, like studying zen and meditation. Trying to be learned to be less reactive and more active, less emotionally responsive, and needy… she’s gone, she left, and I possibly overreacted after 2 months and possibly drove her from coming back. That’s not something I’ve found myself able to make peace with. And I still miss her, sleeping on her bed she left, in our home that still had her name on it, cause if I Remove her from my lease, I could lose my home… but I’m trying and I miss her still everyday

Hi there!
What you have experienced is extremely painful and it is okay to feel overwhelmed by all of the heavy feelings. It is very important to be kind to yourself and to recognize that everyone makes mistakes when they are dealing with heavy emotions. Maybe you don’t feel like things are going to get better any time soon but trust me they will! Healing is a long process with ups and downs so just keep the hope that it will get better because it will.
Maybe reach out to someone you trust for some support or a professional who can help you with all of those feelings.

Sending love and support

  • Domenica