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Belongs to: Therapist Reacts to Daddy By Korn
This song hurts in a good way, it feels like a release it screams when I can’t, I was 6 just a young boy and was assaulted multiple time by my step cousin who was about 15 female for three years and then again by someone who I thought was my best friend 14 male, my mother never believed me because she was (and still is) a drug addicted and insist that she “never remembered that” probably because when the assault happened she was smoking with a friend in her room, by the time she did check on me and my “friend” he was already finished with me. It still hurts to this day
Man, I can relate who I thought was my best friend would rape me in my sleep every night i spent at his house, I didn’t realize until years later, I realized that the physical pain I was feeling wasn’t the food I ate but the penetration and i woke up to it and thought it was a dream, so i pushed it aside.
I’m sorry friend that people you trusted have hurt and betrayed you in such a terrible way. Seual abuse wounds us in ways that words sometimes don’t seem to be enough to describe.
Growing up while being assaulted repeatedly must have shaken so much of your trust in others and of your sense of safety in this world. What happened to this child that you were is something that shouldn’t happen to anyone. You never deserved to carry on so much pain with you, and I hope you can hold on to the fact that you were never at fault either for any of what happened. Too often the sense of shame lingers in our heart when we have been sexually abused, but the shame belongs to the people who did the abuse, who made the decision of hurting something who trusted them. You were indeed just a young boy, and you should have been protected when you needed it the most. You couldn’t know or even imagine that someone could turn out to do something so evil.
The fact that your mom didn’t believe you on top of it is yet another layer of pain added to what you’ve already been through. You were very brave for reaching out and sharing what happened, and I’m sorry that it wasn’t received as it should have. My mom personally didn’t believe me either when I told about the sexual abuse I was victim of. She thought I lied and punished me for it. It’s horrible when you are so young and face such denial/lack of support from your very own parent. It feels as if the world get robbed from under your feet and you so solid ground any more to walk on. Everything becomes uncertain, unsafe, unpredictable, and you are left on your own, expected to survive just as you can. You can only rely on yourself anymore and that’s is such a brutal, heartbreaking experience to go through as a child.
I feel with you how much the child you were still carries this pain in the present, and how much these wounds can feel as raw as the first day it started to hurt. Traumatic experiences leave marks on our entire being that can take a very long time to heal. It’s about replacing the memories where theyneed to be, and recognize our strength and worth despite what others have done and said to us. You my friend have been so strong for surviving the way you did, and for opening up here about what happened to you. You should have been heard at the time and protected. Rest assured that we see you here, we hear you and we believe you.