It’s been a week and a year now since she left and I really don’t know what to do, at first it went super well I made sure I distracted myself… but once the distractions ran out it all caught up to me and hit me in the face.
I’m overwhelmed with all these feelings as if almost I still want her back, like I’m going through it all again, it hurts so much, I’ve been drinking again , I’ve been wanting to harm myself and the suicidal thoughts are just neverending.
Usually I can go outside or see my friends or hang at the cafe or some shit but now I can’t and I know if lockdown wasn’t in effect things would be different…
This time I just don’t know if I’m going to be OK, cause right now I’m not ok and I’m trying so hard.
Usually I know that I’m going to be fine this time I just don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel.
Just gotta get through this again…and again so sick of it.
I’ve been feeling like this whole quarantine/covid stuff is triggering many of us. Old wounds, painful memories, old ways to cope… I’m so sorry it’s affecting you that way. I appreciate you so much. And I respect you for being honest about what’s going on. We’re lacking of perspectives about how future is going to be, that’s true. But you’re gonna be okay. And you still have friends here to support you. My DMs are open to you if you ever want to talk about it - especially in french if it’s more convenient.
I think something that may be super helpful is that although these thoughts/memories of this girl may pop up and come back into your mind, you have power over what you do with those thoughts. You can build up mental resiliency by knowing that these thoughts are just thoughts, and that you have the power to not latch on to them and the feelings that come with them. I also think it is helpful that you know that you have faced this kind of situation before and have been able to power through because that proves you have the strength to carry on and get past this.
Having faced my own set of relationship/dating issues, one of the biggest things that helped me get through my emotions is the community support I had with my friends from church. Do not hesitate to reach out to your friends and tell them what you are experiencing because it is super important that everyone bands together and looks out for one another.
If you are finding it hard to distract yourself from these feelings and thoughts, perhaps try confronting them in a simple way like journaling them or writing them out to let the feelings flow into words on the page. Think of this as releasing these feelings onto the page each time you do so and that you are choosing to let them go and not let them keep you down.
I hope this helps friend. Lockdown has so many of us at home and feeling alone with our thoughts so you are not alone. If you have a chance I recommend taking a look at Psalm 34, it has some encouraging verses in there related to brokenheartedness. Stay strong friend!
@Wapiti Hey man, I’m sorry you’re struggling right now.
Being in lockdown isn’t helping anybody. That’s for sure, today I came to the realization that what little I was doing to be out in the world was actually more important for me than I thought. All the things we do to restore ourselves to move through difficult circumstances or move on from past experiences are all coming to a halt. It freaking sucks dude.
I’m wondering if there is anything you can do as far as talking to a counselor online? You’ve been around the community enough to know about BetterHelp, I don’t know if you have the same kind of access in your neck of the woods but that might be something to look into. There are a lot of painful and difficult things in your mind right now, and it sounds like you’re trying to handle them alone.
Wish I had some perspective here to make things feel better, to ease your mind. But I believe in you man, you’ll get through this. I believe you will be okay.
