I have noticed such a lot lately that so many of us are so unhappy because we are just looking for some validation, firstly from the people we love and trust and when that doesn’t appear we will happily take it from anyone because we “need” it, and we all do need someone to say good job you are good at being you of course we do but the thing some people don’t have a significant other to tell them that they are good enough they may not have a family who can keep them uplifted with positive recognition. So I decided to look more in to self-validation and thought I would post about it.
Self-validation is a way to recognize, accept, and honour one’s own internal experiences without making any judgments and criticisms . It helps to better understand yourself. It means to feel worthy and good of you without any external opinion.
So how do you begin to Self-Validate? Apparently its not easy but let’s face it, anything that you do that means being kind to yourself rarely is but here is a short list to start off with and I am going to try this too.
Take myself seriously, be non-judgemental, encourage and support myself, accept and take care of my vulnerability.
Be interested in yourself, discover how your body feels what you are thinking and feeling right now
Accept without reservation that you think and feel as you do.
Think of yourself, your thought and your emotions as if you were a friend of yours
Support yourself in your feelings, they are yours and you are entitled to have them
Do not focus on should and must-haves
Don’t re-evaluate (neglect, minimize, belittle or modify) your emotions when someone else feels or thinks differently.
Self-validation helps you understand and love yourself better. Just like you would talk to a friend who’s upset, validation helps you feel empowered and stronger. Self-validation reminds you of who you are and the best attributes of yourself.
So, this is the theory of Self Validation. It certainly can’t help try. I hope in some way this is interesting to you as it has been to me.
Hi Lisa
Thank you for sharing this. I think it is very helpful and many people will find it so. Thank you for sharing such beautiful and supportive things with us. So glad for it.
Ok, I’m blown away. I just watched a video talking about this. It’s part of my DBT (Dialectical Behavior Therapy) stuff I’m learning. I’ll share the video, because it was very helpful to me and goes along right with this.
Absolutely love this. Thank you for sharing it, @Lisalovesfeathers. In my own journey, I have noticed how impatient I could be with myself, and how much it was actually feeding an unhealthy cycle. I like to see growth and healing as being the product of welcoming things as they are, of being curious to what’s happening inside of us without any judgment. Thoughts made of “I should/have to” can be so destructive.
I just had almost an hour of internal dialogue (fight?) after getting some discouraging/personal news. I didn’t expect to feel so many things after hearing it. Yet it did. In the end, I try to welcome these emotions as they are, instead of fighting them, instead of believing that I “shouldn’t” feel that way and/or that I am stupid. It is just how it is. Welcoming these emotions with a little more peace makes it easier to look after the next step to take. It helps to not fall too much in an “all-or-nothing” thinking.
Thank you, Lisa, for sharing these reminders. I need it today.
Thinking of printing your keypoints to keep them visible somewhere. When our brain is not trained to take these steps, it needs some reminders from time to time. These are very precious.
I am so pleased this is useful information. I loved the part about talking to yourself like you would talk to your friend, its no different from what I learned when I first came here from Casey about giving yourself grace, that has stayed with me and always will, I found that very powerful. I’m sorry about your Therapist, I would every negative emotion you could imagine in that situation. Xxx
I think self validation is an immensely important mechanism to learn in order to live a fulfilling life. In my own experience, I really had no other choice than to learn to validate myself and my feelings as I went through a years long run when I was younger. Nobody wanted anything to do with me, I was alone, and so getting outside validation wasn’t even a possibility for me for almost a decade.
Granted, I still have my bad days as we all do, but being able to validate myself meant a whole new world of freedom whereby my happiness did not hinge on someone else’s opinion of me, good or bad. Once I got better at admitting that the things I feel and think were ok, it made it easier to form my own opinions, stick by them, and also build self confidence. It makes a world of difference to have one less thing to have to depend on someone for.
I am sorry that you found yourself in the positon that you did, this is what got me thinking, i have seen a few people lately who are desperately seeking that validation and I would be lying if I said I didnt seek it too because I lack confidence in my own choices and decisions sometimes, thankfully not as much as I used to but it really saddens me to think that peoples happiness can be dependant on this especailly as they are probably very happy to validate other peoples feelings in a heartbeat. I guess that is what all this is all about, how are brains are wired and how we have to take notice of what we are thinking. It makes so much sense when you read it. I am so pleased that you managed to learn how to bring this into your every day life and have it make such a difference and thank you for talking about it. Funny really it validates self validation.
