Time for Goodbye

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I messed up.

I was 15 when I was blinded by what I saw and heard on social media. I believed everything I read and saw. It made me become a toxic person. I began to say some nasty things about people and I made some disgusting remarks about Jewish people.

At 19. I’m sorry. I know I’ve wronged. I, for the past 3 months, have not skipped a day where I have not thought about committing suicide. I have given it a lot of time & feel it is the only way for me to truly apologise for what I said. It’s the only way for people to forgive a scumbag like me. I’ve written my goodbyes and wait for a day in which I can shoot a bullet across the head or jump in front of a train on the London Underground. August 7. I will be free from myself. I will be truly sorry for what I said. August 7 will be the day for me to go.

I’m sorry for what I said. I hope, once I’m gone, you will forgive what I said.

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Hello There! @M_56

I know that I do not know your whole situation but, I want to know that you do not have to kill yourself. You can be forgiven for anything. No matter what happened, we all still love and care for you! You are a very important person to society and it would hurt us to see you go. You are worth fighting for and we will be here to fight for you. We will always care for you and be here for you! I know I cannot tell you what to do but, I am really hoping you will let us help you to not do this.

If you want to talk with me or anyone else, we are just a few clicks away! Please don’t hesitate to message us!

-Vigilante

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Dear M_56

If I can say something right now, I know you probably hear this thousands time. But DO NOT kill yourself man. Dont jump in front of train or eat a bullet man. I know not easy to fight those thoughts man. I deal with these same thoughts for most of my life. I made alot bad mistakes that still fuck with my mind and make me feel like an shitty human. Also, I have been mentally abuse person and I have hurt alot people. In addition I said many things that consider racsist or sexiest, that not something I am proud of.

However, you not the only that been brainwash by social media, they tend go after people with rough background, so they can trigger you anger and emoitions. I have work with been racist people all my life and they do really fuck with you mind. Sadly, sometime it part our human nature.

On the other hand, we cant control our though or feeling, but can control our actons. Everyone make mistakes and no way around life without making mistakes. What most important you realize what you did wrong, you feel remorse, and you feel a need to change. Suicide is not change your past, it will prevent you from changing into more compassion human being.

It okay to feel sad, anger, and even self anger, it not be only time you fucked. But that okay, it part living life. You do have good within you and you let it grow for person you want to become.

Remeber you are worth something.

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I know deep down you think I’m a scumbag for what I said. I couldn’t agree more with you. I’m a fucking scumbag. I useless piece of crap. Im a fucking idiot. I didn’t mean what I said. I’m certain and the only way I will be forgiven is to depart from here. I dream of death every single night. I pray for death with every single breath. I hope for death every single moment. I’m beyond myself.

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@M_56 I have no reason to think of you as a scumbag! I know that everybody deserves another chance. There is no reason for you to not be forgiven. I personally do not know you, but i know that your life is precious and is worth being here on this planet. Even if you have made mistakes, its alright, you can be forgiven. Nobody on this planet deserves to feel the way you are feeling. I have done horrible things in my life aswell and i felt that i should not be forgiven for them aswell. But I understood that when we do things in our past, we can always make up for them in the future and make them be forgotten so that we can live our lives in peace. I’m here responding to you because I care for you and I do not want to see you go! I am positive that you are valuable in this world.

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Brother.

Imma be 100 with you, no bullshit, trash all that. One thing you need to understand is that all people are in some way an impersonation of the devil, some more than most. Anyone tellin you you’re a monster ain’t shit, none of them are, none of us are. One, they excuse themselves of their own hate and they can’t tell me no human being on the face of this fucking earth doesn’t or hasn’t exerted some form of hate. FACT they are straight lying.

Without human beings, hate doesn’t exist. It’s all a part of us, and we’re gonna have to navigate with it sometimes. Don’t we hate that? Sure. Hate isn’t too far from love, it’s natural. Whoever is making you feel like shit in the Now for something then, brother forget they exist. I see all these idiots running against the biological grain of the human makeup telling people they against hate, you’ll never meet someone more full of shit than these people. You can hate love, you can hate hate, you can hate people, your lover, your parents, you can hate a group of people, you literally can hate anything. All of that is a broader part of a tree my dude. You want to know something else? Almost everyone gonna overlook a good deed but if you fuck up, they all look at you. They all look for the thing they want to get rid of, but the key is that they’ll have to rid themselves to accomplish whatever the fuck they’re on. Wasting yourself on the same people capable of what you’ve done, is a waste my brother. Anyone thinking they above you preaching anti-hate, is on some anti-self bullshit and I can cop that shit 100%. You can point me in a direction, and I’ll let them know it myself if you want.

So you learn, regardless, nobody will ever rid themselves of hate. You’re no more human than the people disgusted at you dude, they just don’t have reflection and the moment they saw themselves in an unaltered form they trying to jump out their own skin.

Aside from all that, I think about death too, who doesn’t. I got my own reasons why I been wanting to leave, but they deeper than a few words bro. You got a choice though, I won’t deny you that, but this is a lesson you can actually overcome and it’s only 1.

Hit me up or text me on my #, facebook, insta, discord, whatever. I got xbox, add PVRGVTXRY we can chill on some games or I got steam. I’m High Risk too bro, I straight walked out of a High Risk Suicide Prevention session, been to a hospital and told them 8 days straight there isn’t shit they could do to stop me when it comes. Your case probably isn’t that bad bro, just hit me up, I got a bag of dark humor, nightmares, positivity, wisdom, but mostly I’m a pessimist of some strength.

See you soon.

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You are upset and ashamed for becoming someone you have a hard time accepting. You’ve said some things that you are ashamed of saying.
In moments of time, we do things or say things. It doesn’t define who we are. You are able to recognize a mistake. You accept that you made it and grow from it. You said things against Jewish people. Get involved with the Jewish community. Learn about it. I bet if you talk to a Jewish person and explain that you made remarks against them. I believe they will feel your remorse and when you apologize they will forgive you. And give you the same hope that you’re not as bad as you believe. Forgive yourself and ask for forgiveness.

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There are so many reasons to live… please don’t give up.
You won’t see the sunrise or have your favorite breakfast in the morning.
Instead, your family will mourn the sunrise because it means another day without you.
You will never stay up late talking to your friends or have a bonfire on a summer night.
You won’t laugh until you cry again, or dance around and be silly.
You won’t go on another adventure. You won’t drive around under the moonlight and stars.
They’ll miss you. They’ll cry.
You won’t fight with your siblings only to make up minutes later and laugh about it.
You won’t get to interrogate your sister’s fiancé when the time comes.
You won’t be there to wipe away your mother’s tears when she finds out that you’re gone.
You won’t be able to hug the ones that love you while they’re waiting to wake up from the nightmare that had become their reality.
You won’t be at your grandparents funeral, speaking about the good things they did in their life.
Instead, they will be at yours.
You won’t find your purpose in life, the love of your life, get married or raise a family.
You won’t celebrate another Christmas, Easter or birthday.
You won’t turn another year older.
You will never see the places you’ve always dreamed of seeing.
You will not allow yourself the opportunity to get help.
This will be the last sunset you see.
You’ll never see the sky change from a bright blue to purples, pinks, oranges and yellows meshing together over the landscape again.
If the light has left your eyes and all you see is the darkness, know that it can get better. Let yourself get better.
This is what you will miss if you leave the world today.
This is who will care about you when you are gone.
You can change lives. But I hope it’s not at the expense of yours.
We care. People care.
Don’t let today be the end.
You don’t have to live forever sad. You can be happy. It’s not wrong to ask for help.

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I’ve read this 5 or 6 times today. And cried.

I wish I was half decent. Those words touch the heart.

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We are here for you! Please don’t hesitate to ask to talk to us! We don’t care what you have done in your past we still care for you and will always be here for you! It takes a-lot of strength and bravery to come onto a community like this and express your emotions to random people. If you can do that, you can be forgiven. Please stay here with us. You deserve to be here!

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