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Tired, heartbroken, angry, depressed, anxious and bitter


#1

I can’t even begin to explain how much emotional and mental turmoil I am in right now. I’ve been reminiscing on everything that has happened in the last few months and the last few years. These last few months have been the hardest months I have ever dealt with. Dealing with a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship for the past year. I never realized that he was a Narcissist and feel extremely stupid for getting back with him. He played a very good game making me and everyone else around him believe that he truly had changed and that he was a jerk because of the circumstances that he was dealing with. I knew there was something off, but I convinced myself that it was just my anxiety. I never realized how evil he was until he watched me deteriorate physically, mentally, and emotionally…he made ME believe that I was the bad guy and allowed me to beat myself up and hate myself while deep down he knew everything that he did to me. He cheated on me twice, lied to my face multiple times, tried to get back with his ex (but she wasn’t having it). When everything came out and I confronted him about it, he twisted it around on me saying everything was my fault. I’m glad I don’t talk to him anymore. He’s an extremely toxic person. He has put me through so much emotional and mental hell it’s ridiculous. It honestly makes me extremely upset when my mind thinks back to how depressed I got and what my brain did in order to survive the situation. I feel that I will never be the same again, I feel like all my interests, hobbies, and dreams are gone. I cry all the time about it because I don’t feel like “me” anymore. It’s like even though I didn’t die the night I tried to commit suicide, I really did die that night if that makes any sense. It’s like I try to be happy, but I get PTSD of everything that I’ve been through these past few months because of him. He made me believe I was the bad guy so much, that I sometimes still feel bad for walking away even though I know deep down that it was the right decision because he will never be a good person at all. Sometimes I get upset with myself for ever allowing myself to be with someone like that or even giving it another chance. I feel like so many bad things happened because of it. I know I can’t change the past, but I guess the after effects of it still bothers me, if that makes any sense. I just feel like mentally and emotionally I’ll never be the same and I feel that I’ll never be as happy as I was this summer :frowning:


#2

Hey, thanks for sharing. It shows a lot of bravery and strength and just hearing your story (Good or bad) can help people. I’ve definitely struggled with the same thing, I’m still getting over emotional scars from an abusive relationship that ended over three years ago. So, it doesn’t get fixed it just gets easier. Those first few months after that though were incredibly painful and I’m still amazed I made it through. Have hope, you’re strong enough to make it through and we’re proud of you for making the right decision. You are loved. You are cared for.


#3

I’ve been there. Stay strong, I believe in you. I know that’s not much, I don’t know what to say but everything I just read made so much sense because I understand. You can do it!


#4

Hey! Thanks for reaching out. Reading what you said really hit me because I was in a similar situation except I was married to him. He was physically, verbally, and mentally abusive towards me. And it wasn’t until he started cheating to where I got to the point I had to end it and walk away. It was torture for me. And a really hard time in my life. I will tell you this, Life gets better. Take this time to work on YOU. Bettering yourself mentally and physically. Try something new. Push yourself out of your boundaries. Take this time to grow. And I highly recommend getting some counseling after being in a mentally and emotionally abusive relationship. If not, what you suffered may affect any new relationships you enter into. Hang in there friend!