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Belongs to: BMTH - Can You Feel My Heart - Therapist Reacts
to be honest i lost mutlple friends in my life my ex gf died in a car accident i sometimes feel one day ill take my own life at the same time im afriad too sometimes its just so hard becuse there are my dark moments where i do think i get closer and closer to doing so but here i am liveing my life at the same time
Hey friend. Thank you so much for sharing all of this here. It must have been completely heart-shattering do deal with so many losses in your life. I’m sorry that your ex girlfriend passed away in such a brutal, traumatic way. Words are not enough when it’s about grief, and especially when it hits our life in such a sudden way. In can only imagine the amount of pain and just the rollercoaster of emotions you must have been experiencing since it happened. Then on top of it losing friends, those you would expect to be present when you need the most a caring, friendly presence… I wish I could give you a giant hug right now. What you’ve been through is unfair.
It makes sense, especially under these circumstances, to have been contemplating death as some kind of solution, or at least as something that would stop the pain you’ve been carrying in your heart. Even though you know deep inside that it’s not an answer, that your life has so much worth, the pain feels unbearable at times. When everything feels hopeless, when brutal events and loss is beyond your control, and when you feel utterly alone while you are struggling… it’s all understandable reasons to find it difficult to see why it would matter to keep on living.
The way you describe it is something I can personally relate to. Because it’s not that you want to disappear, it’s just that it’s so hard to see beyond the pain, to feel joy and embrace life fully again. When the dark thoughts hit for me, it’s when grief and depression come in heavy and tend to overshadow everything else. It feels like a slow burning from the inside, and I see myself on this fine line between this call to destroy myself and the willingness to keep on living. It’s disturbing and confusing to see yourself falling slowly without having a full grasp on it - or at least feeling completely helpless most of the time. It’s like you’re becoming a witness of yourself and of your fall, little by little.
Something very strong in your comment, and in the way you describe it, is that you are however AWARE of what’s happening. And there is this fierce side of you that doesn’t want to get drown into the dark thoughts, that knows there is something more than all of this pain and loneliness. That alone is a real strength, because it shows how much you understand yourself, how much you understand the pattern at play, and how much you are aware of your needs in the midst of it. It is a strength because it puts you in a position of having the possibility to say NO to those thoughts and to keep on choosing life.
If it feels like it’s not enough though, then maybe it would be an appropriate time for you to seek support - either in your close circle or with a professional. Because you have a story to tell, you have a voice to share, you have emotions to express - and none of it, none of you would ever deserve to disappear in silence. You matter so very much, and these obstacles you are facing right now, this pain you are feeling, don’t have to take the best of you. I believe wholeheartedly that you can make it through this season, my friend. Not just by surviving, but also by allowing yourself to be supported as you need during this difficult time.
There are times in our life when we need a little extra help and encouragement in order to gather our strength again - because the kicks life can give us are so freaking heavy sometimes. It’s okay to not be okay, it’s okay to say it, and it’s okay to be supported through it all. Please know you are not alone, and your presence in this world makes a real difference. Your life matters. 
@@HeartSupport thanks…